.....observations on the path

Yogis,
They say it takes a month to create a habit. We have now had two. Have you noticed any new patterns? Previously untraveled paths that are now becoming more worn and familiar?  One that has developed for me over these past nine weeks is a weekly email that I send to my students.

It started out as a need to share the weekly schedule, details about Zoom, how to make payments etc, but like everything in life, it evolved. I began adding a new section which became titled ‘observations on the path’ to share some of the aware-nesses that had made themselves known over that previous week.

When we find time to be still and quiet the world reveals itself, and we have had plenty of both ingredients. Here are some things I noticed this week.

Smizing…. Once a week I go to a grocery store and I wear my mask (which by the way is now suddenly feeling more comfortable). Three things happen when you are masked. First you must enunciate more clearly, or you sound like one long mumble. Second, your volume must get turned up a notch. Add in the Plexiglass between you and the also masked cashier and your vocal cords get a real work out.  Finally, no one can see you smile.

I am not a big talker but am a big smiler. As I walk by staff in a store, I always look them in the eye and smile. For me it signals human connection, no matter what role we are playing in this life and is a thank you. So, at this time when I want more than ever to thank them for being there, they can’t see my smile.  

In come the eyes. I keep trying to smile with my eyes. It isn’t easy. Have you tried? There is much more effort and focus required and I don’t think it can be faked. I looked it up and it has a name. Smizing.

It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. The real you that often is hard for others to see. I am feeling like smizing requires us to be a bit more vulnerable. A bit more seen with a willingness to see more in others. I will keep practicing.

Wise Old Tree….. There is a tree down by the creek which I have probably passed a hundred times. I know I have looked at it and the way it’s roots float in air. How it reaches for the tree next to it. I can even recall taking pictures of it in the past. But this week it revealed another side.

Had this image always been there but I wasn’t open to see? Had the wind or rain caused a shift in the bark? All I know is this wise old tree tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to see and listen. And I did.

My Fox Family….. Walking Phoebe into the woods behind my house we come across one of the babies. It turns its head in our direction which happens to be stuck inside a clear plastic jar. Oh no! My mind spins. What am I supposed to do?

I, like you, have seen all those videos online of people coming to the rescue of wildlife. They make it look so easy. In real life I am alone, holding a dog on a leash with no idea of where mom fox is or what she would think of me approaching her baby. A trip to the emergency room for rabies shots did not feel appealing. I kept telling the baby, and Phoebe, to relax.

Phone calls made, neighbors arriving but the baby, with mom close behind took off. I kept checking long into the evening, slept with the window open to listen for noises and headed down again early the next morning where I found four kits playing. They allowed me to stay.

I am choosing to believe the jar had come off.

Be quiet and notice,
SARAH

.....the mom energy

Yogis,
My mom has spent some of her quarantined time going through boxes of old pictures that were passed on to them from the children of a relative. She separated them out and mailed them to those she thought should have them. In my package was one of her and me in February 1963. I was one year old. She was only 25.

Looking at the picture I try to remember what it felt like to be a toddler with the mom I had been given. My memories of back then are only of specific moments in time, but what I can say for sure is that I felt safe. Always.

There is a powerful feminine force in the Universe given the name ‘mother’. Fierce in her protection, nurturing and loving unconditionally. The one who feeds and clothes the family, tends to the sick and listens. Using her intuition to know what words are needed, when firmness is called for and even where everyone’s lost items are, without having to look.

When I would wake from a nightmare in the middle of the night, it was toward my mom that I ran, where I was allowed to lie in bed with her until the fear faded. I can still feel it. Days at school where my feelings would get hurt and I would stoically hold it in until passing through the threshold of the house, seeing her face and melting in tears. Pastina served to me when I was home sick on the couch.

She was my piano accompanist for all of the years I played violin, showed me how to make my grandmother’s famous banana cake and separate eggs, and patiently straightened my tights daily because I couldn’t stand the seam they had in the back to be off center.  She taught me to always be kind, be a good listener and never wear underwear with holes in them (because what if you got in an accident that day!)

But most importantly, she made it clear that there was nothing I could do that would diminish her love for me one iota. Mom energy…..

We all need the mom energy as we grow. For some it comes from an older sister or even outside the immediate family. A grandmother, favorite aunt or close friend. It can even be expressed through a male family member. But in some shape or form we have a primal need for the feeling of being held tightly and understood. Shielded, if only for a moment, from the hardships of life.

Fast forward to 1984.  I am now 22 and having my first son. Using my mom as an example, and all
the years I ‘mothered’ my dolls, doing my best to shower him with that same mom energy. As real-life mothers, none of us is perfect. It is a challenging role with high expectations. But if there is one thing I hope my three boys know, it is that there is nothing they could do that would diminish my love for them one iota.

Happy Mother’s Day!
SARAH

.....amazing things

Yogis,
If you look up the definition of the word ‘amazing’, here is what you find.  Causing great surprise or sudden wonder……astonishing…..startlingly impressive. It has become an overused word in our culture though. Amazing cleaning products, shoes and hairstyles. Yet when used in its truest sense, it seems to be a word we would reserve for those infrequent happenings that cause a quickening of the heart. A catch in our breath. But is it true that amazing things are infrequent?

Indeed not.

One of the phrases I love is – Every day is a chance for something amazing! But to be even more precise I should say – Every moment is a chance for something amazing! Amazing-ness surrounds us, but we are typically swimming too deep in our stream of thoughts to notice. I realized this week that I had been in that deep end. Time to step out and towel off.

Waking the next morning, opening my eyes and mentally stating to myself ‘Today is a chance for something amazing!’ Not only as words, but a belief. Seeing the blank canvas of the day ahead filled with opportunity and expecting to be astonished. Because you should expect to receive whatever you are expecting.

That day did not disappoint! In the afternoon I went mushroom hunting with Phoebe in my woods. Down in the quarry bent over examining the ground I felt something. An energy. Looking over my shoulder I find myself eye to eye with one of the foxes. Phoebe too turns to look and the three of us stare in silence. Time stood still. Thank you, Universe!

Further along on our hunt, with the fox now trailing us a comfortable distance back, I am again

stooped over when there is a tremendous swoosh over my head. I watch as an owl lands on a low limb of the tree nearby. Another stare down. His large eyes locked on me as I quietly inch closer to get a picture. His head swiveling and then honing back in on me. My heart pounding in my chest. Thank you, Universe!

Expect what you expect. I am expecting amazing things.

Five heron, four baby geese, three hawks, two vultures and a snake. A bouquet of lilacs left on my porch by a friend and blooms appearing on my sage plant for the first time. Mommy wren waking me at dawn with her song as she is now raising her family in the birdhouse below my window.

Then this morning as I stood by the river welcoming in the new day, again mentally reminding myself that ‘Today is a chance for something amazing!’ the telltale swoosh appeared once more. An owl lands on a low branch in a tree nearby and we lock eyes. What a gift. I tell her she is amazing…..

Amazing things surround us! And the more you practice stating the intention and opening your awareness, the more amazing things continue to pour in. Expect to be awed and life will gloriously comply.

Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings,
SARAH

.....the skin you're in

Yogis,
How could I possibly let this surreal time in our history go by without at least some discussion on our looks…….

When I was about twelve or thirteen, there was a girl in my class that I can picture to this day. I don’t recall her name but will call her Nancy for the sake of this discussion. Nancy wasn’t what our society would give the arbitrary label of beautiful. Shoulder length straight brown hair. Simple features, average height and normal weight. Yet there was something that drew me to watch her. She was so comfortable in her own skin in a way that I wasn’t.  I wanted some of that.

She stirred something in me that I carried as I made my way through the gawky years of adolescence. I thought of her as I carefully applied makeup and teetered on high heeled pumps as a young woman in the workforce. Hours spent trying to look like Farrah Fawcett weaved their way into the years of perms and then the dreaded hair straighteners. All to find ‘the look’ that made me feel good.  That made me as comfortable in my own skin as Nancy. Tidying up the outside in an attempt to please the inside.

Jump ahead to 2012 while living in my tent at Susun Weed’s with no access to a bathroom or mirror. I went a week without any makeup, only one shower and whatever hair style happened to show up on my head each morning after sleeping on the ground. And you know what? By the end of that week I had never felt more beautiful. ‘Me’ was finally shining through.

That was an awakening for me. The fact that when we feel beautiful on the inside, it transforms how we look on the outside. We move differently. Breathe differently. Glowing in the skin we are in. What freedom! I never looked back.

From that day forward I ditched the makeup and guess what! Everyone still likes me. And I rarely look in the mirror because I have realized that when I do, the inner critic rears up……look at those lines in your face, your belly is too round, what are those ages spots, your hair is…..you get the idea. The outside can never make the inside happy, but boy can the inside make the outside happy.

This pandemic, with its forced absence of haircuts, colorings, manicures and facials, and less outside pressure to look a certain way offers us yet another opportunity. A chance to become not only comfortable, but in love with the skin we are in.

Get still and tap into the ‘you’ that resides in that deep quiet place within and then wear it. Shine you out! Because ‘you’ are absolutely stunning.

Thank you Nancy,
SARAH

.....treading lightly

Yogis,
During the first week of what was partial lock down, I cleaned out a closet in the house that hadn’t had my attention in way too long. Dust bunnies, single boots and broken umbrellas made their way into the trash. It felt good. ‘I will tackle one area each day or two and by the end of all of this the house will be in tip top shape!’ I thought to myself. That didn’t happen.

Nor did the reading I was planning to do. What a better time to catch up on books! I pulled two out and cracked one open. They both sit looking forlorn on my coffee table. I’m just not feeling it. Listening to my music. Nope.

Purchasing is another thing that isn’t happening. The telltale bark from Phoebe that the little white truck is throwing a package onto my porch hasn’t happened in weeks. I don’t feel the need to buy anything other than groceries (well and maybe some beer). Not that I am typically a big shopper, but right now I don’t want anything. I don’t even look through the catalogs pouring in.

In talking with others, I am not the only one. A friend who gets great joy from cooking, finding it now only a necessity. Another who can’t bring herself to sit at her pottery wheel, when only a couple of months ago she was creating some of her most beautiful pieces. What is that all about?

On the other hand, new is creeping in. I am now running more. Five days a week Phoebe and I head out to see the beauty of the world using only our 6 feet. I find myself sitting quietly to do the Sudoku in the paper every couple of days which I haven’t done in years. My morning shower has been shifting to evening, I’m visiting places with memories and sleeping soundly and longer.

I guess in conjunction with my not wanting to purchase, I am finding myself being even more conscious of my impact on this earth. Tearing paper towels in half to use only what is needed, washing out any plastic baggies that I use and figuring out delicious meals to make from leftovers and what is in the pantry. Saving eggshells to use in the garden and growing all of my own herbs from seed.  All in all, spending almost nothing.

Another gift which has weaved its way in is connecting with far away family and friends in a meaningful way. On the phone, through notes, and on zoom. ‘Seeing’ and talking to some relatives for longer and more often than I have in years.

Yes, change is most certainly in the air for all of us……but what are we going to do with this incredible opportunity that lies at our feet?

For many years now we have all known that life as it we knew it was not sustainable. Mother Nature knocked, knocked harder, and even harder. We didn’t listen. This time she has brought us to a standstill. A forced time out. When we begin to move again, how will we step forward.

Everyone is ‘hoping’ that some lessons are learned and that somehow we can keep the pollution down, the skies quieter and the rebound of nature continuing. But hoping will do nothing. ‘WE’ have to change. You and Me. Live more simply. Want less. Travel less. Save more. Are we capable?

This week a beloved yoga teacher, Beryl Bender Birch referenced the fox and its animal spirit of making itself invisible. Treading lightly on the earth. Leaving no trace. It is no small task for us humans and we didn’t believe it was possible……… but as we are seeing, it is. 

Can we follow the lead of the fox? Only time will tell.

Om,
SARAH

....spreading our roots

Yogis,
It all started with a Facebook post. ‘I need plants!’ wrote a young woman a few towns over. Our paths have crossed a few times in the yoga world, but I don’t really know her. Without hesitation I commented that I had comfrey, marshmallow, burdock, anise hyssop and black eyed susans. After having just been out in my garden and seen the proliferation, I was more than happy to share.

Late that day she, along with her husband and adorable 8 month old daughter, came and we socially distance gardened, each with our own shovels and gloves. Wearing masks, we all chatted about the plants, these times and life itself. Three tubs of plants made their way into the back of their truck and just before leaving she turned and said, ‘I am now their mom and you are the grandma.’ Yes. My roots were spreading.

The next day another young woman who had seen my comment asked if she could get some marshmallow and was there anything I needed. When she pulled up to the house with some yarrow in tow, she remembered that she had been here for some classes a few years ago. Our roots weaving together one more time as she left with not only marshmallow but comfrey, oregano, anise hyssop, bergamot and burdock.

Many of these very same plants took root here when brought by others. Anise hyssop from Helen, burdock from a flower I brought back from Susun Weed’s garden, comfrey from a root given to me by an eccentric biodynamic farmer in WV in blue jean overalls as I pulled weeds from his cilantro beds.  Rhubarb from Rebecca, Lenten rose from Mary, fig from Sookie, and the list goes on. And each year as they push their heads through the warmed spring soil I think of their ‘grandma’ and smile.

My plants have traveled to the beach house in Delaware to settle into the sandy soil. Up to my sister’s in NJ, down to friends in Virginia and into neighbors’ yards. Sometimes I receive pictures of how they are doing, reminding me that I too am thought of as they grow. Roots reach wide and far.

A flower from your bush sits in a vase on my kitchen counter. Seeds from my zinnia start a new butterfly garden in your yard. And my parsley ends up in a friend’s spring salad. All gifts.

I often use the tag line #plantmedicine because of the remarkable healing properties that the plants offer day after day. But during this time when we cannot physically be together, the plants are reminding me of a level of connection that runs even deeper.  Our roots all spreading beneath the earth and weaving a web of kinship and love that only takes a thought and an inner smile to touch one another.

Need any plants?

Om,
SARAH

.....like there's no tomorrow

Yogis,
A family in our community has a large bulletin board hanging next to their front door and they occasionally write messages. If you are paying attention, you can read from the street.  This morning I was running Phoebe down to the river so we could check in on the goings on down there and I passed the sign. 

'Live today like there’s no tomorrow'

How many times have you seen or heard that quote over the years? Of course it is a lovely idea, but it often can seem a wee bit trite. Pie in the sky. Something that would be in a sappy romance movie. But then these aren’t normal times. 

I don’t believe there has been any other time in my life, except perhaps that first week after 9/11, where the truth that tomorrow could possibly not exist planted itself in front of me and looked me square in the eye. And that even if tomorrow exists, it’s anyone’s guess about the next day, next week, next month, or even if any will resemble the day we live today. Tomorrow is an unknown.

Yet that is how it always is. Those are the spiritual teachings. That the only moment that exists is this one right now. This one that your body is occupying as you read this note. This moment where you can hear your own breath and feel your heartbeat. This is why meditation has been around for centuries. Humans trying to find the path back to this moment, because it is the only one that is real and can be lived.

The odds are in our favor that the vast majority of us will still have many more tomorrows, but I want to hear the messages from this extraordinary time and dive into them. This is a blessing we are all being offered, hidden among the many challenges. To live ‘this day’ like there’s no tomorrow.  

So, I am not going to sit around and wait for this to be over. I want to live each and every day vividly which is why I am running in the mornings to the river to see the goings on, getting my hands in the dirt, leaning against trees and lying in the grass. Opening my eyes and heart each morning with the mantra of ‘Grateful for this day….’ And I am.

I needed a picture for this post. After I finished writing we went for a hike and came upon the remains of an old building hidden in the woods. A crumbled doorway from some other day in time seemed the perfect backdrop. Only after it was snapped did I see the words written to the right. 

Yes, I intend to live like there is no tomorrow.

Thank you for this day!
SARAH

ps. Living fully doesn’t always mean joyfully….it also includes sobbing alone in the shower.