For the past two weeks we have been working with Svadisthana, the water chakra. The energy of water is our movement, our moisture, our flow.
My message was that life comes to us in waves. Things, people and events flow toward us……and then flow away. Sometimes over long stretches of time and sometimes in the blink of any eye. But the flow of anything in one direction is certain to shift the other way. Life and all it contains is in constant movement. Expansion and contraction. Impermanent. The flow.
When that which we like flows in bringing us comfort and pleasure, we attach. So its inevitable movement away causes us to suffer. Likewise, when that which we don’t want comes our way we often struggle against it, which is like trying to hold back a wave……a useless endeavor…..and again we struggle.
We work with the water energy to learn to ride the waves – lying back on a raft, feet up, letting life be exactly as it is at the moment and feeling it deeply. Trusting that everything is as it should be.
Little did I know I was teaching myself.
Thursday started normally. A run with Franklin, meditation and a shower. But then life took a turn. Franklin bit someone that had come to the house. That moment, vivid in my memory moved in slow motion. My smile turned to fear and then to tears in a matter of minutes. A wave had arrived.
The next few hours are a blur. Them off to the hospital for shots, phone conversations with the adoption coordinator and my vet who had just met Franklin the day before, and calls to my family as I was all alone……all done while sobbing. Options were provided. He could be put on Prozac, we could do blood work to see if there is an underlying illness causing him discomfort, he may need to be quarantined, we could bring in a trainer, and on and on and on.
My mind started to get involved. “You can’t give him up. You adopted and committed to help him.” Self-judgment. “How will I tell everyone? What will they think? I am not strong enough” Making a plan. “I can have a trainer come to the house. I can make this work.” Guilt. I wanted so badly for someone to TELL me what to do. I yearned for a way not to have to make this decision alone. I felt hollow.
It took 4 hours of emptying through tears to be able to see within with clarity. I had known the second it happened that I could not keep him. Yet it took all of that time for me to allow that inner knowing to bubble up to the heart and to have it still the mind enough to give me the inner strength to say the words. To make it real. And then I actually had to do it.
In classes I had been saying – When you are sad…..feel sad. Well on Thursday I did and still do. Deep emotion. Tears are coming much further apart now, but when they do I am letting them flow. Water is for healing.
This was the right decision for both me and Franklin. I have a home where all are welcome and Franklin was simply not ready for that. Now that we know more about him the rescue group will find a family that can provide what he needs. And in time the dog that is meant to be my partner will arrive.
I think I need another tissue,