This week we moved up to Ajna chakra, our third eye center. Here we turn our gaze away from the bright lights of the fast paced tantalizing outer world and direct it toward the quiet stillness of our inner world. Seeing what is true.
Today is the winter solstice which marks the beginning of the season to shine the flashlight inward. Peering into the corners, clearing away any cobwebs, getting reacquainted with me and stirring things up.
This is where meditation has so much to offer. The daily practice of taking even 5 or 10 minutes to simply sit and observe what is happening on the inside – noticing your thoughts, feeling any places of holding, becoming aware of both the sadness and the joy, and watching the breath – begins to reveal an inner landscape that connects you to what is real. Here we see our soul. Here we find everything we have been longing for…..
But not everything that we see in there is comfortable. The clearer our inner vision becomes, the more we can’t ignore those shadow parts. The things we have labeled “wrong”, “bad” or “not allowed” or buried so deep we forgot they were there. Everything in there parading in front of us asking to be noticed and embraced.
Last week I wrote about Phoebe and the effect her energy was having on my vibration. I told myself I would reground, get a grip and everything would be fixed. But the Universe clearly was not buying my act. Phoebe’s barking and lunging at other dogs and even people on our walks continues and each time my heart races, my stomach clenches and the jitters set in. It scares me. Why does she have to be like this?
I finally had to admit that her acts of confrontation were bringing up parts of me that I have never developed. I hate confrontation. I do everything in my power to avoid it. I never want anyone to think I am upset or angry with them and if a conflict develops between me and another, I leave feeling wounded. I was attaching her behavior in front of others to me. What will the neighbors think of her? What if no one likes her? They must believe I am a bad owner. Some of the very thoughts I have had of others.
But the outer world was simply mirroring something needed in my inner world. First I had Franklin with his aggression (which I know was more than I was able to handle) and now Phoebe. If something keeps appearing...take note. Clearly a challenge from the Universe. A teacher. A gift. Why? What is it that I am supposed to learn.
I was relaying all of this to my sister because she is coming for Christmas with……her dog. And we will all be in the same house for 4 days. She shared a story of an incredibly laid back woman at her park where the dogs play, that happens to own the most alpha dog in the group. When this dog demands to lead the pack or behaves in a bossy manner, the woman sits back and allows it. He doesn’t cause any harm, he is just dominant. She realizes that is who he is and she is ok with that. She is strong enough in herself to let him be himself. She isn’t trying to “fix” him.
I can see that I want to fix – and quickly! If I just do this and this and this….she will do as I want her to do. And it wasn’t happening on my timeline. I also see now that I was rushing her. Not providing her the freedom to take the time she needs to heal and find her own way to peace, with my role only to hold the safe space for that to happen. Accepting all of the parts of her.
So…..I have work to do. On me. As she barks I will smile at those that pass. I will hug her after every walk no matter how it went. I will move toward letting her be her and not hold her hostage to being a reflection of me. My sense is that both of us will grow from this and all will be as it should be.