....it's only five minutes

Yogis,

A five minute free standing headstand. That is the requirement in Iyengar yoga to move up to the next level  class.  Five full long never ending minutes.

I have always thought that was silly. What did standing on your head for five minutes show?  I have been able to do a headstand since I was a little girl, long before I ever even heard the word yoga.  It didn’t appear to be a path to enlightenment.  I’m sure I can do five minutes but why would I want to? What does that prove? I remember even voicing this thought to others when the topic of Iyengar was raised.  It was one of the things that even held me back from practicing Iyengar yoga.

Many times over the last several years I would be up in headstand and say to myself that I was going to stay for five minutes, but after about two I would come down.  I can do it, I would say to myself.  I’m just not going to right now. 

What was that all about?  A whole lot of judging going on there about something I had never actually tried.

We do that in life all the time. ‘I could meditate if I chose to….I’m just not choosing to’. ‘I can choose to eat a healthy diet, and will as soon as the holidays are over’.  ‘I know I am able to take on more responsibility in work and someday I am going to raise my hand’. 

Could it be that deep down I am not sure if I really can stay up there that long, and not sure I want to uncover that or put it to the test?

So a few weeks ago I decided it was time to choose it.  Not talk about it or think about it, but choose it and step forward.  Each day I would go up and after about 3 minutes I would come down.  Was it because my arms got tired or I felt dizzy?  No. What I began to notice was that it was simply my inner dialog kicking into gear telling me I should come down now, and it would get louder and louder until I finally listened.  My mind was calling the plays and ‘I’ was listening. Who needs to do this anyway?

Huh.  Headstand was calling my bluff. 

Today I tried again with clear intention.  Checked my phone. 10:40.  ‘I’ took a deep breath, kicked up, found alignment and came into stillness.  I watched.  And watched.  And watched.  I saw my plants and my books from a unique perspective.  I listened to the words of the song.  I felt my heartbeat.  I noticed when I began to slouch and drew in my core and sent my legs higher.  My mind began its work, but ‘I’ chose not to listen but to breathe instead.  Steady. Still.  Being present without trying to muscle my way through or distract myself.  Finally when it felt right, and not when my mind told me to, I lowered down.

10:48!

Where else in life am I all talk and no action?  If I can stand on my head for 8 minutes what else can I do?  Am I willing to face fears and possible embarrassment to find growth?

This isn’t about being in a headstand.  It’s about being real and honest with yourself and stepping into your highest potential.   And this step took me six years.  But who is counting J

Watching,
SARAH

...for this I am grateful

Yogis,

Aaahhhhhhhhh………..   Two weeks of heart opening.  What a perfect way to step into the week of gratitude that lies ahead! 

Thanksgiving. The giving of Thanks.

Gratitude is an action.  A verb.  A conscious state of being.  And it all begins by bringing awareness to the heart. 

Roll your shoulders back.  Place your left hand over the center of your chest.  Put the right one on top.  Close your eyes and take five long slow breaths into this space.  Then bring to mind something or someone for whom you are grateful.  When you begin to feel the stirrings of gratitude energy (you will recognize it), breathe life into it.  Keep expanding it with the your breath until it no longer fits in the confines of the chest and you are vibrating at the frequency of gratitude.  Then send it out!  Glow.  BE GRATITUDE.

As I sit here and look around this room I feel gratitude for my books, yoga mat, the plants, and this pc that allows me to share my deepest inner feelings with all of you.  For my music, journal, rocks, oils, my plants and the small radiator that keeps me warm as the season changes.   The spectacular view from this room, my mala beads and my gnarly walking stick……….  I glow on them all.

As I look back over this one simple weekend I am grateful for the many women that shared a piece of themselves with me over the course of the day yesterday, each in a unique and special way. They are all a gift.  For the ability to rake leaves, and rake more leaves…..and more leaves, and how Phoebe allowed two dogs to play in the backyard with her at the same time.  For fabulous food, a fire which I can still smell on my jeans each time I lean over, and the moon as she rose and watched me from a crystal clear sky.  I glow on them all.

For my challenges I am grateful, for without them I would stand still.  For the sorrow I feel as I touch my heart, because without diving into its depths,  I could not fully live joy.  For those who make me uncomfortable as they are the ones who hold a mirror to my face.  Even for the coming of winter since without its stillness I know I wouldn’t make time to go within. 

But at this moment (which is the only moment that is real) I am most grateful to be me.  Exactly the way that I am.  Because I am…..just like each and every one of you….. perfect.

What is your gratitude list today?

Glowing on all of you,
SARAH

it's a bird..it's a plane..it's.........

Yogis,

We all know the story.  Clark Kent.  Raised in Smallville.  Normal shy awkward kind of guy, working his run of the mill job in journalism.  Fitting in with the masses, living a typical Kansas life. Not particularly noticeable.  Until……….

….there is danger.  A threat to society.  Good people suddenly in harm’s way.  He watches for a while from the sidelines but something within him stirs.  With each breath it expands, and along with it, the broadness of his chest.   Until finally he can no longer contain it – physically, mentally or emotionally.  He is literally bursting open at the seams.

His hands reach up and suddenly he is no longer Clark.  He is………

This is exactly how I feel whenever I work with the energy of the heart!

The element of air.  Our breath.  Our energy center for joy, sorrow, grief and love.  All the same.  All must be felt to be complete…to be human.  All who we truly are. They are our Superman inside. 

The heart energy is stirred when we open the upper body.  Back bending, shoulder opening, arm circles and complete full three part breaths.  Receiving breath first in the belly, then the ribs, then the chest where it makes more space for the heart.  The fire of light and heat we generated in the power plant of the belly, now rises and shines out through the heart.  Our spotlight! 

The more fully we breathe, the more fully we live. 

So whenever I do a week of heart classes I begin to feel as if the front of my chest has been removed.  That my heart energy is so vast and so bright it can no longer be contained within the small confines of my chest.  I feel like Superman…..but with a huge L for love on my chest!

I realized last night that I use my heart spotlight every Friday.  Before my bath I always hang out my bedroom window (which made me also realize that with screens, many people don’t have a window to ‘hang out’ of…….so consider having one window with no screen).  I put my whole upper body out, year round, and breathe the night air.  It feels great and freeing in all kinds of weather.  And then I spread my chest wide and send love to each of the 7 trees that encircle my backyard sanctuary.  My protectors.  Then to the animals of the night.  Then I shine on those I love near and far. Then to the Universe. 

And this Friday….to all of those in Paris. And to those who have built up so much hate and anger that they can take innocent lives without hesitation. 

We all have our Clark Kent costume. Mine is Xerox Major Account Contract Manager. Our mask. But at night….watch out. 

Be Superman this week.  Don’t let the love that lives in your soul stay safely at a simmer.  Draw the shoulders back, lift your heart and breathe with every fiber in your body so that the light becomes so bright it can’t be contained in your small self.  Reach up, rip open your costume and become love.  Shine it on everyone.  Everyone. Everything. Don’t discriminate.  Don’t judge.  Just shine.

I AM LOVE,

SARAH

...is it hot in here?

Yogis,
The Universe is always keeping me on my toes…..and keeping me entertained.  As I lay in bed late Friday night my day flashed in front of me and I suddenly laughed out loud.

You may recall I made mention of the fact that when I jump into fire I have this tendency to go a little too far…….and I had made that observation about myself a mere week ago!  You might think that would have kept me mindful.  Oh no.

Our focus has been on the fire element for two weeks now.  A strong practice including work on the ever dreaded Chaturanga, several arm balances, leg lifts, standing split and of course a good round of screaming.  Finding our core and inner strength, and awakening that ‘I CAN’ energy….. and working up some good internal heat in the process. Over the last 14 days I have done that practice probably 15 times between teaching and my own personal practice.

In those very same weeks, it seems I also took a giant step forward in the transformative process of menopause.  The nightly hot flashes have begun in earnest.  Waking up mornings groggy with a slight headache.

So I taught my final fire class on Friday morning, which then turned out to be a freak 80 degree day in November.  Leaves falling and the need to change out of that long sleeve shirt.  An hour long warm lunch time walk in the sun with a good friend.  Five hours later finds me at my hot yoga class working on standing up from wheel pose in a 95 degree room.  Of course then followed by my Friday night hot bath.

By the time I was done I was engulfed in one long hot flash with the internal furnace roaring and my face flush with sweat.  I stood there and couldn’t imagine even putting my light cotton pajamas against my skin.  Window open wide and blankets removed, I lay down and see my day flash before my eyes.  Yes indeed, I had done exactly what I predicted.

Will I ever learn or is that ‘just how I am’?  I think I can learn…..and I believe these hot flashes are going to be one of my guides.

Saturday I take it easy since I will be hosting the 27th annual Lobsterfest dinner that evening– 10 of us who met when we were young and carefree that absolutely love to gather once a year.  I want to feel tip top.  Sleeping in, a leisurely walk and a cup of my red clover infusion.  Watchful as I get the house ready not to fall into that frantic running around phase, but instead moving slowly and mindfully.  Enjoying setting the table and reminding myself to exhale fully.  Feeling the cooling effects of being present with exactly what is.

Everyone arrives for our evening of great food, lots of hugs, catching up on the year and then some no holds barred dancing.  It is a blast.  At one point I step back to observe with the beat of the music pulsing through my body.  I  see everyone spread across our great room, arms in the air, feet and hips moving…..and once again we are young and carefree.  Completely open to that moment. Pure fun. Grounded and relaxed.  (So relaxed in fact, that I had forgotten to put the plates out on the table…..)

As I lay down Saturday evening, the hot flashes, although still present, were more of a simmer.  I was able to lay back this time, spread my arms wide and receive the gift.

This evening while the sun set I watched the fire I had built in my pit and it showed me that I am learning.

I’m hot,
SARAH

....a steady flame

Yogis,

I love when we work with the water element. It pulls me out of the day to day grind to experience more. Dropping from the thinking mind deep into the feeling mind. Moving my hips and tasting life.  It just plain feels good!

So it is always bittersweet for me when it is time in class to move up to Manipura, our fire center.  Once I begin to work with fire I tend to push. I get going and start doing too much, giving it my all until I am overheated, dry and tired. Trying to ‘make things happen’. 

But that is a fire that is raging and isn’t balanced and is so easy for us to fall into. Our true fire energy when it is refined and confident is a steady flame. It is sensual, bright and warming to the soul. When used properly it is our vision and intention sent out and then ‘allowed to happen’ because we have such a solid sense of self that we don’t feel the need to push.

I have never been comfortable with building fires. I always worried that either I wouldn’t be able to get it going or that it would roar out of control and cause damage. I didn’t trust it and would sit back and always let someone else take charge. I didn’t want to get burned.

But over these past two years the Universe has nudged me to place a fire circle on my property.  First I noticed the special energy I would feel whenever entering the area overlooking the woods. Next I had the vision of a circle there. I selected the rocks and began with a small above ground fire pit a neighbor was leaving behind. Then this year I felt drawn to have something more permanent and had a stone in ground fire pit built. Oh, uh.  Now I had to learn to build fires…..

I decided I needed to practice as this pit is about 3 feet deep.  Trying first by building the fire right on the stone floor with a lot of smoke, but little success. Dragging out the grate from the inside fireplace and using various log configurations. Walking through my woods with Phoebe to gather kindling and climbing inside the pit to place everything just so and observe from various angles. Stepping outside of my comfort zone.

Last week was my big test. I hosted a fire pit party after a yoga workshop. I was able to get the fire started and keep it tended for the whole three hours. I ‘can’ build a fire!

I came out first and got it lit and then watched as everyone was slowly drawn away from the house and toward the flame. All sitting around the circle to catch up and share stories and food. People I knew and some I was meeting for the first time. Drawing us all together. Tending with just a small poke here and a log added mindfully there, just at the right moment. The fire providing the light and the warmth while we finished off the evening by roasting marshmallows.    

I am learning.  My fire circle is teaching me how to ignite my own flame and keep it tended so that I too can be the light and warmth that others are drawn to. Not needing to throw on lighter fluid because too much heat will send everyone away and burn me out. Letting my dreams, just like the fire, happen without pushing, because I am strong enough to know that they will if I simply keep looking and stepping forward. 

If I can build a fire, think of all of the other things I can do,

SARAH