Back to our regular
schedule this week! I am looking forward
to being with all of you!
I have returned from a week of full immersion in the amazing
healing energy of the earth. Costa Rica
is so alive that you can’t help but feel it with every cell. Awakened
each morning by the sunrise and call of the birds, practicing yoga surrounded
by mountains and lush greenery, visited by the toucans, and finally lulled to
sleep by the rush of the full moon winds as they blew by the open windows. By the
end of the week my rhythm and the hum of the cicadas were in perfect harmony. Outer and inner worlds melding into one.
I wrote earlier in the month about setting intentions……one
of mine being “I am a lucid dreamer.”
But another more challenging one for me was “I am facing fears.” This trip gave me the opportunity to do just
that, and I accepted.
One of my deep fears is heights. I am fine in airplanes or tall buildings, but
the very thought of stepping close to a ledge (even with a railing), or looking
down through a crack to see space below, ignites fear. But when I heard zip lining was an activity
we could choose, I chose it….and I did it!
Everyone raves about zip lining but this was not about
having fun for me. Standing on that platform
at the top of the mountain, high above the trees and hanging only from a cable
was terrifying. So I watched…..as my
heart began to race, my skin began to tingle and my voice became shaky. I watched.
And I noticed. When there is fear
you are completely and utterly present.
Focused. There is no “monkey mind”
when you are in its grip. I watched and
then I jumped………only to have to do it 12 more times!
I watched the night before when lying in bed how the mind
began its dance of worry. Maybe you can
back out! What if you get there and just
can’t do it? What the heck were you
thinking! Each time I would exhale and release the
thoughts, only to see them bubbling to the surface again. Awake and aware.
In the morning as the time drew closer I told the others in
my group that I would need their support.
I voiced my fear out loud. Honoring
and bowing to its presence and its truth.
Fear is constricting.
It pulls everything toward you. Eyes widen. Nothing else exists. As I land on each platform and have to walk
around the tree on which it is bolted, a mere foot or two of wood slats sit
between me and the edge, so the trees became my best friends. I lean into them for grounding. For strength.
For the courage to get back up on the stepstool and leap again. Over and over.
Everyone asks if I wasn’t afraid by the 3rd or 4th
one. I wish I could say that was
true. But this morning I realized that
my intention was “I am facing fears”, and that is what I did. I simply faced it. I tried to find peace in its discomfort. It was one of the most difficult things I
have done in a very long time. But I believe
that is required before you can change the intention to “I have let go of fear”.
Emotions, whether it be fear, anger, sorrow or hurt, are
waves of energy within us. They are
us. And if we choose to turn the other
way from the ones we don’t care to experience, they simply find a cozy dark
place within our tissues or muscles to settle in. They wait.
Eventually they will no longer remain quiet. So we can choose to keep them in the dark….like
the monster under the bed….or take out the flashlight and invite them to
tea.
Before I left I wrote about letting something go in order to
make room for the new. And guess
what??????
Last night on my first night back in my own bed I was in the
midst of a beautiful and vivid dream when I suddenly said to myself – Am I
dreaming? And the answer I came back
with was YES! Deeply dreaming, yet awake and aware. I did it! I was having a lucid dream!!!
Thank you, thank you Universe! Anything is possible if only you see it and
move toward it with an unwavering focus, an open heart and complete faith. Makes me realize that I need to think even
bigger J
So what is it that you want?
Feeliing expansive and brave,
SARAH
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