transitioning to here

Yogis,

I have come to realize that I never know what date it is anymore.  When I have to write a check or plan for something in the future I have to really stop and think, calculate it out, or look to the bottom of my computer screen.  I have even had occasion where I am not sure what month it is……

No, I don’t think I need to get checked out.  I believe I have just slowly come to a place where I am more in tune with what is happening here vs the fame work we have created to mark time.

I mark my days now, not by their given names but by the activities.  Instead of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday…..it has become KM, double classes, CSA delivery, house cleaners and then of course, yerba mate/yoga/dinner/dance/bath.   Each one has a certain energy.  A rhythm.   No hurry to get from one to another.

My remaining hurdle is to do the same thing with the seasons…….

I know its early, but my mind is already wandering toward fall.  Probably because of the unusually cool nights we have had this week.  Waking up and needing a long sleeve shirt in my office since the windows have been wide open all night.  The garden damp each morning from the heavy dew.  Cold on my feet.   The goldenrod about to bloom. 

My son is heading back to college.  School supplies line the shelves.  And its only one more week until we see the first yellow buses in the neighborhood.  The signs are all there.

Transitions……..the tricky part.

Although fall is beautiful, I always saw it as a long tunnel to winter.  A transition.  Not letting it be what it is, but seeing it merely as a gateway to what comes next.  Each day getting shorter.  Each day getting cooler.  A transition. 

For others, spring – which is another transition – can be challenging.  Clearly not winter, but too wet and cool to be summer.   Sometimes not seeming to move quickly enough as we get that late snow shower. 

We tend to be ok when we are “here”.  And ok again once we have settled in “there”.  It is that getting from here to there that can test us.  Something ends while something new begins. 

Transitions come in many ways.  The travel day required to get to your vacation destination.  Those first few early mornings of school when the kids bodies have become accustomed to sleep at that time of day.  The first month at a new job.   Sunday night, preparing for Monday morning.  I even noticed a transition when I  arrived at our beach house yesterday after having renters here since Memorial Day…….a dedicated hour to re-Sarah-ing the house before I could settle in. 

During transitions, our instinct is to hurry them.  To get to wherever it is we “want” to be.  But it dawned on me today.  In transition, the discomfort forces us to be present.  We may be struggling against it, but our senses are there and involved.  A wonderful chance to watch and learn.  To surrender.

So as fall approaches my intention is to be more attune to what it has to offer. Each day.   Its energy.  Its rhythm.  Not looking ahead and not looking back.    What is it for you?  Mondays?  When the alarm goes off in the morning?  Your commute?  Arriving home from work to hungry children who want your attention?  Notice.  Approach them as a teacher.  See what gift each one has to offer.

Transitions.  Being present.

I am going to be ready!

This moment is perfect,
SARAH

I love this word

Dear Yogis,

No Monday morning class!  All other classes on regular schedule.

Words are powerful.  Each one holding its own distinct energy.  Able to make us laugh, cry, burst with pride or able to wound us to our core.   Words can spur us into action or stop us dead in our tracks.  To me if feels like each word has a personality.  So I love to find new ones!

In our meditation group we are currently reading and discussing “Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind” by Shunryu Suzuki, a Zen master.  Now a 45 year old book, it is still one of the best known and most read books on Zen.  Each chapter is taken from one of his talks and contains a teaching.  This month we read and discussed a chapter titled – Constancy. 

Constancy.  I love this word.  And the more times I repeat it to myself, the more I resonate with its vibration. 

 

Constancy.  A way to live.  A way to be.  A  path to being with each moment exactly as it is. 

Suzuki tells how he always said that you had to have patience to learn and understand Buddhism, but that he was searching for a better word.  Constancy is what came to him.  The word patience implies that there is something on the other side that isn’t quite right. That somehow you are “putting up” with it, or hanging in there until it changes or goes away, or until you “get there”.   But constancy is purely internal and not dependent on the outer world.  It is.....well, constant.

Discipline, which could also be used in place of patience, feels to me like a lot of effort. Too harsh.  Consistency, another option, feels too vanilla.  Bland.  Superficial.  Others….perseverance, diligence, persistence, tenacity…..none of them feel quite as full, as deep or as substantial as – constancy.

Constancy implies that whatever it is that you are guided to do in your life should simply just continue to be done.  Through the ups, downs, twists and turns.  Doing them when they are easy and when they seem hard.  Not forced…….Not “I have to” or “I know I should”…..but done with simplicity and contentment.  They just feel right. Always.

Constancy is especially useful on the spiritual path which can be like a roller coaster…… and this week the word helped me on my ride.  At times I feel connected, vibrant, alive, clear and moving forward.  Like nothing can stop me.   Then, just like that……..BOOM.  Suddenly separate, unclear, unsure of myself and of which way to go.  And it’s amazing how quickly the mind begins to tell stories.  Causing doubts.  Questioning everything.  But then I remembered the word.  I could feel it begin its rhythm in my center.

Constancy.  Movement without attachment to outcome.

Letting go.  Surrendering to what is here right now.  Not being “patient” until this too shall pass, but instead choosing constancy.  Continuing to do my daily meditation and yoga practice, drink my teas, sit in the garden, write and watch my breath.  Doing it all because it is what I am guided to do.  Doing it all because it is who I am.  Being right here.  

Constancy……an inner current.  Riding with it through all of the twists and turns that life offers.  None of them inherently good or bad – they just are.  And I just am.  I like that.

My very first Passionflower bloomed this week!

ps.. I waited to look up the definition until I had finished this writing.  I just did and constancy is defined as “enduring and unchanging”.  I love it even more now!

This moment is exactly as it is supposed to be,

SARAH

.....just like the refrigerator

Yogis,

Breathing in……breathing out……breathing in …….breathing out.  Right here.  Right now.  Noticing everything about this moment.  Dropping out of my thinking mind and sinking my awareness into the feeling mind of the body.  Taking life in through every pore in the skin. 

Aaaaahhhhh…………………….                                                       

Something occurred to me the other day.  When you think back to moments in time that stand out vividly, you will notice that they aren’t the ones where you were deep in thought, or worry or reminiscing on the past.  The moments that stay with us are the ones that involved the senses.  Feelings.

That moment in time in your dorm room that feels like yesterday whenever you hear that particular song.  You can see what you were wearing and who you were with.  Or that time you fell when you were 10 years old and skinned your knees.  That first slow dance.   The moments that triggered fear, unconditional love, shock or uncontrollable laughter.  Those moments were we were fully in our bodies and time seemed to stop for a split second.  Those were all moments of pure presence. 

So then I began to ponder how to be available for even more of them.  And what came to mind was the word empty……..

Which led me to think of the refrigerator.

 

When the refrigerator gets full it becomes less available.  We tend to only notice and grab those things right in the front.  Too much work to take everything out to get to the back.  And we just keep sticking more and more in there without much thought.   By the end of the summer I probably have 6 half full mustards from vacations.  And those left overs that I stuck in the back are discovered weeks later covered with mold.  Or that sauce that I swear I will use some day (whenever that is).

I compare that then to the refrigerator at the house on  our vacation.  When we arrive it is completely empty!  Bright, clean and just waiting to be filled with whatever we choose to buy for our week.  We mindfully shop filling it only with what we need and desire for the week.  And the following weekend…….we clean it out completely.  Leaving it totally empty to be refilled once again.  Every week all summer over and over and over, with new food, new tastes, new ways of eating. 

Nothing can remain.  Nothing can get “stuck”.  Nothing gets old. 

When we, like the beach refrigerator, learn to empty we too become more available.  More able to soak in everything life has to offer.  More able to be filled.........and no mold

Here is a snapshot of some of the moments in my week…………..how were yours?

https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=114375307239069745455&target=ALBUM&id=6043049582564228529&authkey=Gv1sRgCMieiM_h2_PY1AE&feat=email&mode=SLIDESHOW

Using my exhales to empty,

SARAH

the gift of this moment

Dear Yogis,

I’m back!  Sun kissed and ready for a regular schedule of classes this week!

The yogic path is one of learning to live in the moment.  The ability to be right here…..right now.   It’s what we are asked to do in yoga classes.  We are told it is what we should be doing in meditation.  I know I give the queue consistently in classes.  In a way it is almost becoming one of the new buzzwords.  “Being present”. 

But what does it really mean.   And how do we do it?????  ………..and do I even want to?

 Let’s do a little exercise to get a sense.

Take a pause from reading now and tune in to this moment.  See how many things you can notice in the next 30 seconds and note them or jot them down on a piece of paper.

Here is mine as I sit in the grass pod in the middle of my garden:

·         Cicadas are humming and two squirrels are in the trees watching me.  One black and one gray. 

·         There is an odd smell that I will have to investigate

·         The air is very damp and heavy and the sky is now cloud filled

·         Three chickadees landed on the eucalyptus tree, as well as mommy cardinal

·         The garden is blooming in shades of orange, purple, yellow and pink

·         The woods are calling me

·         I am tired from traveling

·         Someone ate most of my chard while I was gone

·         Uh oh…..it is now raining on me (and my computer)

So much in such a short time!  And all things that would have just passed me by if I was instead thinking about how I should go back inside and unpack my suitcase, return emails, figure out what we are having for dinner, blah, blah, blah…..

When we consciously choose to be in this moment our awareness shifts downward – from the thinking mind down into the feeling mind – which is throughout our body.  See how many of your senses were involved in what you had in your list.   All 5 senses sharpen when we land in the present which automatically slows our thoughts.   And just the opposite – when we have busy mind, our senses dull.   Days become a blur.  We can become comfortably numb.

Test that.  Try to listen for the most distant sounds.  Or rub your hand on an object to see what it feels like.  Notice how difficult it is to do those things and be thinking about the past or future at the same time.    Then switch to thinking about what you have to do tomorrow, and notice how everything else fades quickly into the background.

One of the simplest anchors we have to connect us to this moment is our breath.  By simply watching and feeling the next five breaths, you will arrive right here.  Right now.  In this moment.  And only when we are here do we see, hear, feel, smell and taste things clearly……as they are.  The richness of life.

It is a practice.  Our minds would rather be replaying the past or planning and worrying about the future so you have to choose to be here.  Yoga is one path.  Meditation.  Sitting quietly in nature.  Setting an alarm for several times a day to remind you to watch your breath.  Slowing down when you walk.   Having a 10 minute “do nothing” built into each day.  Or just doing the exercise we did above with a journal each day. 

So why do I want to do this?

The only moment that is real is this one.  The past no longer exists and the future is a clean unscripted slate which will fill with each new present moment.  Right now is where all of the action is.  This moment is full, complete, juicy, vibrant and perfect.  It is patient and will wait for you to notice her.  But don’t wait too long.  Like a snowflake, every moment is unique……so you don’t want to miss even one.

And best of all......it's free!

·         A warm gentle breeze on my skin – feels like a hug

·         Can hear that the baby wrens are still in the birdhouse

·         The sun is once again shining!

The more aware you become, the more you will experience.  I for one want to feel it all.

A large hawk just soared past me.   So glad I was “here” to experience it,
SARAH

the birds....and the bees

Yogis,

Did you feel it?   Did you feel the shift this week?  Summer settled herself in, around and on us. 

The cicadas began their daily drone.  The bees buzz picked up in intensity.  Now that many babies have left the nests the birds have settled into new routines.  The scream of the foxes startling in the late night.  And the summer noises now filling the dark hours as I sleep with the window wide open.  Summer……. Filled with aliveness……

Summer is the season of fire.  Heat.  And when we embrace it and let it in, we naturally relax and slow down - think of the people who live in the islands.    Don’t let your summer be days of going from air conditioning to air conditioning.  Be hot.   Be even a little uncomfortable.  And the heat makes us more flexible – think of how open we become once we begin to sweat when we exercise.  Our schedules can loosen up just a  bit.  Maybe pancakes for dinner.   It is the peak.  The top of the inhale. 

And with the shift this week, we moved from the perfectly manicured plants put out in May, to bushy, overgrown,  spreading, messy gardens.  Summer is not a time of tidiness.  It is wild.  And you should be too J  Let your hair frizz.  Let your nails get some air and light.   Get dirty.  Perhaps no makeup????    (BTW I stopped wearing all makeup 2 years ago and at that time I said I would let you all know how it went….well, it is so much easier,  it is cheaper, I can rub my eyes whenever the heck I want, men still flirt and just as many people love me)

Summer.  Open…Feeling everything……Fully alive in our bodies..….Hot……Strong…....Creative.   Where winter is a time to look inward with no distractions from nature…… Summer is the time to look outward, see clearly and move forward.   The earth is providing us now with  a dizzying array of color, smell and sound.  Be sure you are pausing to be immersed in all of it.  Drenched.

Be sure you are looking.  See close….

And see deep……

Notice what is right here beside you……..

And notice who is watching your every move…..

By the way.  Have you been outside barefoot in your yard yet this summer????  If not…..DO IT!!!   Get out and be.   Sit by your flowers and let the bees buzz surround you.  They help set your vibration.  Lay in your grass and watch the world go by.

Finally, as I came out to sit with the bees this weekend I startled baby bunny and he ran into the woods.  But even he couldn’t resist the chance to come back for a photo shoot…..

I love summer……and I love all of you,
SARAH

What to expect when you are expecting......

Yogis,

Expect what you expect.  What do you expect?

The word “expect” has been showing up in my life lately.  When I paused to observe it, I noticed that it has many levels of meaning, yet it gets used often and loosely without a lot of thought.  But when you stop to really feel the energy of the word…..it is quite powerful.  It, by itself, is a statement.  An intention.  I expect……

What do you expect?

Definition:  regard (something) as likely to happen.  Anticipate, await, look for, bank on, envision, predict. 

What do you expect?  Because whatever it is that you are expecting……be it good fortune, money issues, being taken advantage of, amazing experiences every day,  or another night of no sleep……expect it to happen.    Expecting takes all that I have been talking about and rolls it up into one nice package.  Seeing, moving toward and trusting.

So expect with intention!  Be conscious of what you are going to expect….and expect it!! Can you feel what that is like?

I realized in my dancing with the Universe last Friday that I expect many things.   I expect excellent health, my finances to work out, and the animals to trust me more each day .  I expect to be sexy, my garden to flourish, and to be able to heal any injury I get.  I expect to be love, to age gracefully and to learn and grow until my last breath.  I expect to be guided by the Universe.   I don’t ask for it, or hope for it……I just expect it.  From very deep within.  Central to my being.   Living from that space.

I expect………

I hadn’t realized that I had all of those expectations.  They just have seemed right to me, and I guess I assumed everyone expected them.  And when I close my eyes and sense what true “expecting” feels like, I can see that is has nothing to do with thinking.  I haven’t thought out my health, my aging or the best way to get the plants to grow.  In fact, if I start thinking about it all I can quickly begin to second guess my expectations.  So I don’t let that happen.  I move away from the brain and back into the body…the feeling mind. 

I expect……..

The flip side which is quite common is to expect the worst, but hope for the best.  And then wonder why the good isn’t happening.  Worry is an example of this.  I heard a terrific quote this week.  Worry is “planning for a negative future”.   All you have to do is check out Weather.com to see how our world feeds into that way of thinking.   I check it quite often just for a good laugh to lighten my day.  About 90% of the time there is some dire headline.  I just checked and today’s is:  Dangerous threat to East Coast revealed!

The other way “expecting” can go awry is when we set expectations for others or for the world around us.  That is the fast lane to suffering.  Others have their own expectations and they are all doing the best they can with where they are and what they have at the moment.  So they don’t need our will placed on them.    Simply see them for who they are.  What you expect should never be dependent on another.

Other definition of expect:  regard someone as likely to do or be something

Synonyms:  Suppose, presume, think, imagine, assume, surmise   - Notice how ungrounded those all are??

Shakespeare said:  “I always feel happy.  You know why?  Because I don’t expect anything from anyone.”  However you can expect for example to be treated with respect, but that comes from you and how you live and the vibration you send out, not by your setting parameters for the other.  You expect respect because you live with that vibration.

Does all of this mean that life won’t throw some unwanted, unexpected, unwelcome or uncomfortable circumstances our way.  Well…..no.  But does that mean I should live my life any differently.  Well….no. 

Expect.  Expect the moon.  Expect miracles. Expect more.  Expect happiness……and a life worth living. 

Flower from my Marshmallow plant

I expect to be able to see the good in everyone (because then I do),
SARAH

sunrises, fire pits and stars

Yogis,

Air, lunchtime, and the full moon.  Birth, water, and the color white.  The inhale and the exhale.  Life and death.  All part of the circle…..all part of the rhythm of the Universe.

Last night under a spectacular clear sky and a brilliant half moon, about 30 of us gathered to christen and bless my new fire circle.  Earlier in the day however, I realized that I had never properly done the same for my medicine wheel garden….my first sacred circle….so the ceremony I led was for both.   And if was the first time in a while that I talked to invoking the 7 directions – a Native American tradition of inviting in the presence of the spirits – and in doing so it brought everything full CIRCLE for me.

The circle is a spiritual shape.  No true beginnings and no end.  No corners for anything to hide in.  All together.  All one…each of us just in different sections at different times.

The East.  The sunrise.  The beginning of the new day and of the inhale.  Bringing in light where there was none.  This is our childhood.  A time of innocence, learning everything for the first time, play.  Beginners mind.  Fresh.  Seeing our lives stretched ahead of us.  The element of air and the colors yellow and orange.  Morning.  The early song of the birds.  Awake and eager.

The South.  Midday.  The top of the inhale.  Heat.  The element of fire.  Here is where we make our babies,  raise our children, pursue our careers, and do.  Action.  Full.   The color Red.  Vibrant.  Ripe.  Seeing clearly what it is that we want to manifest in our lives and taking steps toward it.  Allowing ourselves to be uncomfortable.  The coyote lives here.  Expansive and growing.

The West.   Ahhhhh…….we begin to exhale.  Letting go.  Slowing down.  Beginning to switch the direction of the journey from outward expansion and growth, to inner reflection.  Middle age (which somehow has been given a negative connotation in our eternal youth loving society – but I am finding it blissful).  Discovering who we really are as we shed the many masks we have worn to suit those around us.  The colors blue and purple.  The element of water.  Our subconscious.   Our innermost desires for that which will fulfill us.  In the west we learn the art of surrender.  The bear lives here.  Trust and faith.

The North.  Our elders and wise women live here.  We should listen much more closely to what they have to teach us.  Insight.  A place of quiet and stillness. Meditation. The night.  The bottom of the exhale.  Dreams.  Here we find the Owl and other animals of the night.  Discovering our life’s purpose.  Here we return to the Great Mystery in order to be ignited once again with the new sun in the east.  The color white.  Knowing.

Below we find our past and ancestors.  Mother Earth.  The womb and creation.  The Goddess is found below.  Above we find the energy of Father Sky and its infinite unformed potential.  Expanded consciousness.  The God is found above.  But it is in the 7^th direction that we find “me”.  Center.  The gap between the breaths.  A channel connecting the earth and sky.  A hollow reed through which the Goddess can spiral up to connect with the God.  Perfection. 

The moon, the tides, the seasons……. each day, our lives, and each and every breath all follow the path of this circle.  Spring, summer, fall and winter. The rhythm of the Universe.  Our rhythm.  Notice it. 

Recognize the moment in the afternoon where you feel the energetic shift from the intenseness of summer action to the cooling receptive energy of fall.  Become aware of the damp cool grass on your bare feet when you first awaken and the south sun has not had its chance to warm.   Always know which phase the moon is in- taking the weeks of the waxing/expanding moon to begin new projects, the waning moon to slow down and visit the West, and the new moon to shed that which no longer serves you…..in order to begin anew with the first glimpse of the sliver moon in the east.  Sleep when it is dark and rise with the birds of the east. 

I have always been a very early morning runner.  Yogis always talk to the auspiciousness of that time of day.  The hours of 4 to 6 am.  This week at the end of one of my runs I realized that time is truly when the shift from night to day begins.  Still so incredibly still, yet the hint of the rising sun and the song of the early birds provide glimpses into the unlimited  possibilities waiting.  The void.  The pause.  Empty yet incredibly full.  I like being there for that.

Live and move in these rhythms.  They will lead you well.

I love to dance,

SARAH