.....the night is dark

Yogis,

The night is dark and full of terrors.

                ~George R.R. Martin

Why is it that everything seems so much worse in the middle of the night? 

You know what I mean. It’s 2:00 in the morning and you wake up to go to the bathroom. You lie back down and close your eyes, ready to drift back into that hazy land of dreams, but your mind has other ideas.  The issue that was bothering you in the afternoon suddenly blows up into a full length horror movie.  Everything that could possibly go wrong becomes what is clearly going to happen.  Every noise is most definitely an intruder and you’re sure you didn’t lock the door.  Your life is a mess and you are a loser. 

The veritable monster under the bed……………

This week I was making some life decisions.  In the light of day all options, although somewhat complicated, looked possible.  I was letting them all settle in.  Sitting with them in meditation.  Asking the Universe for guidance.  I would head up to bed each evening with a little more clarity.  Until……………..

“What was I thinking?  Who am I to think I can go that direction?  I am being selfish.  I am not worthy.  This could happen….that will happen……..I will end up…….Why wasn’t this all blatantly obvious in the light of day?” Heart beginning to pound. Every possible obstacle lit up and  glaring at me as I lie cowering beneath my sheet. 

Fear thoughts. They love the dark.  Their favorite dwellings are the corners, closets, and especially under the bed. They stay buried within until the world sleeps where there are no distractions.  They love to grab you by the ankles and hold you in place.  They are your shadow.  But it is also in their grip that we can learn. Can go a bit deeper. 

As the sun rises, I take a big stretch, brush my teeth and the world is good again. But where did they go and will they be back? 

So which thoughts are really mine?  The ‘world is ending’ or the ‘life is good’?  Both!  It’s only that in the dark of night what is buried deep rises to the surface. 

These fear thoughts challenge us and we have two choices.  We can become their prey or bring out our handy flashlight and give them a good looking over.  Lifting up the bed skirt to face what lurks beneath.  Bringing them out into the light.  Acknowledging them for their guidance,  but continuing to move forward anyway toward where the heart is leading.  Fear asks you to stay where it is comfortable.  Moving beyond fear is the path to a life fulfilled.  

So I watched.  What am I really afraid of?  Can I see them for what they are. My thoughts. Can I move beyond them?  They are not me.  

..…..and when I looked under the bed this morning it was that crumpled up sweatshirt I forgot I had pushed under there.

In a Dark Time

In a dark time, the eye begins to see

I meet my shadow in the deepening shade

                – Theodore Roethke

Not afraid,                                                                                                                      
SARAH