.....the night is dark

Yogis,

The night is dark and full of terrors.

                ~George R.R. Martin

Why is it that everything seems so much worse in the middle of the night? 

You know what I mean. It’s 2:00 in the morning and you wake up to go to the bathroom. You lie back down and close your eyes, ready to drift back into that hazy land of dreams, but your mind has other ideas.  The issue that was bothering you in the afternoon suddenly blows up into a full length horror movie.  Everything that could possibly go wrong becomes what is clearly going to happen.  Every noise is most definitely an intruder and you’re sure you didn’t lock the door.  Your life is a mess and you are a loser. 

The veritable monster under the bed……………

This week I was making some life decisions.  In the light of day all options, although somewhat complicated, looked possible.  I was letting them all settle in.  Sitting with them in meditation.  Asking the Universe for guidance.  I would head up to bed each evening with a little more clarity.  Until……………..

“What was I thinking?  Who am I to think I can go that direction?  I am being selfish.  I am not worthy.  This could happen….that will happen……..I will end up…….Why wasn’t this all blatantly obvious in the light of day?” Heart beginning to pound. Every possible obstacle lit up and  glaring at me as I lie cowering beneath my sheet. 

Fear thoughts. They love the dark.  Their favorite dwellings are the corners, closets, and especially under the bed. They stay buried within until the world sleeps where there are no distractions.  They love to grab you by the ankles and hold you in place.  They are your shadow.  But it is also in their grip that we can learn. Can go a bit deeper. 

As the sun rises, I take a big stretch, brush my teeth and the world is good again. But where did they go and will they be back? 

So which thoughts are really mine?  The ‘world is ending’ or the ‘life is good’?  Both!  It’s only that in the dark of night what is buried deep rises to the surface. 

These fear thoughts challenge us and we have two choices.  We can become their prey or bring out our handy flashlight and give them a good looking over.  Lifting up the bed skirt to face what lurks beneath.  Bringing them out into the light.  Acknowledging them for their guidance,  but continuing to move forward anyway toward where the heart is leading.  Fear asks you to stay where it is comfortable.  Moving beyond fear is the path to a life fulfilled.  

So I watched.  What am I really afraid of?  Can I see them for what they are. My thoughts. Can I move beyond them?  They are not me.  

..…..and when I looked under the bed this morning it was that crumpled up sweatshirt I forgot I had pushed under there.

In a Dark Time

In a dark time, the eye begins to see

I meet my shadow in the deepening shade

                – Theodore Roethke

Not afraid,                                                                                                                      
SARAH

.....time is an illusion

Yogis,

About every three weeks in the off season we head to our beach house.  The normal routine is leaving early Saturday morning, so I can have my Friday night ‘time for me’, and then I work from there on Monday and drive back that evening.  Have been doing that for a while now.  A routine.

But this week we changed the plan so I could get together with my sister.  Heading there Friday afternoon and coming back Sunday.  Doesn’t seem like that would be a big modification but it completely threw me for a loop! 

Packing on Thursday night instead of Friday morning made it challenging to remember what to bring.  Saturday my alarm went off and I was sure it was Sunday.   Today I felt like I should be working and was convinced that tomorrow I had my Tuesday classes….. and the weekend felt so much longer than usual.  It reminded me of how those 3 day holiday weekends, where the four day work week should feel like a gift, usually ends up feeling interminably long.  Thinking on Wednesday that it must be Thursday.  It all made me think about time.

Time speeds up.  Time slows down.  Whenever something is new we notice it more and time crawls.  As soon as it becomes rote, time picks up velocity.  I always notice this on vacation where those first few days when everything is unknown seem like an eternity, only to be followed by the final four days racing by like a blur.  Is it already time to leave?

Einstein was the first to shock the world with the concept that time is an illusion.  Today’s belief is ‘There Is no Time. There never was and there never will be. Everything exists in the present moment and it's a fundamental principle of the Universe that many of our scientists are still trying to grasp. Time does not actually exist and Quantum Theory proves it.’

Therefore there really is only now.  Only this moment.  I am writing this now.  You are reading this now.  I want to live more of these ‘nows’.  I don't want to wait for some unknown time. Less attention to the past or the future as those are merely illusions.  More living. More aliveness. Less rote. Want to join me?

One of my students sent me a picture of his father-in-law who is now 103, still going to the gym daily and doing Tai Chi.  Think about that.  103 years.  Viewing that from afar and saying the number - more than a century – makes it appear an eternity.  However he says even he can’t believe how fast time has gone and how he got so old so fast.  I bet what he remembers when he looks back are the moments. 

Does it matter if we live to 103 if we aren’t living the moments?

There is now…..and then there is now…..and then there is now,
SARAH

.......something amazing

Yogis,

“Pause and notice this moment.  Different from any other moment you are going to have.  Every moment, a chance for something amazing.  So you don’t want to miss it!”

I say this in class often.  One of my mantras.  It reminds not only everyone attending class, but me to remember what is important.  This moment is what matters.   It is only in this moment that life can happen. Not tomorrow.  Not two weeks ago.  Here….now.

This week we had incredible weather, with 80 degrees days, blue skies and the tips of the trees turning color.  So I began each class with a short led meditation with the windows wide open where we paused to notice spring.  The stiller and quieter you get, the more your awareness sharpens.  We tuned into the sounds and smells and felt the air on our skin.  We breathed the energy of spring in.

In  the dark silence of yesterday’s early morning class, at the same moment I was saying to feel the air on the skin, a strong gust of wind blew through.  It literally came out of nowhere rattling the dried leaves on the tree and sending a burst  of much cooler air into the room.  You couldn’t help to not only notice it, but be moved by it. 

…..a chance for something amazing.

At the end of class someone said it felt like I had conjured it up with the meditation.  I laughed it off, but that stuck with me through my day. 

“I don’t have that kind of power!”  I thought.  But do I?  Do all of us?  When we become completely still, quiet the mind and truly notice someone or something, giving it our complete undivided attention, a relationship forms.  A give and take.  A bond. Why would the Universe be any different?  When we tune in, something amazing happens. 

I had forgotten about it by evening as I had my ‘busy’ day. 

Friday night.  Time to lean out the window (Hi FLOW members!).  As I moved my body out into the night air I was thinking about the notes I was going to send out to my meditation group over these next few days.  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and paused to feel the night.  “I will write about looking at the sky.  Noticing it.  Really seeing it”. 

I opened my eyes and looked up,  just as a magnificent shooting star streaked across the sky leaving a trail of light in its path. It took my breath away.  Wow!  Thank you Universe!

…….every moment a chance for something amazing. 

Be sure to find the time in your day to be completely still.

To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.

                ~Lao Tzu

Noticing this moment,
SARAH

....why do I do it

Yogis,

It’s March and I’m one week into the month long March Meditation I am leading.  This is the fourth year I have shared  this program because somehow March seems like the perfect month to look inside.   And whenever you teach, you learn.  Guiding others in how to meditate causes me to look deeper into my own practice and this year I have been asking myself………

Why do I meditate?

With the Yoga asana practice – the physical postures – many people initially begin because of an issue.  Lower back, knee or hip pain.  Trouble sleeping. The doctor recommends it, or they see how toned a friend’s body is becoming.  Age is causing stiffness and there is a desire for more flexibility.  But those of you that have been doing it a while know that all of those things will indeed be helped, but the benefits run so much deeper.  Inner changes that are unexpected and that no one mentioned begin to show themselves.  Over time with consistent dedicated practice……………

Meditation is the Yoga practice for the mind.  Like the asana practice, many are drawn to it for outer reasons.  The most common one is looking for relaxation.  Others are hoping to lower blood pressure, ease anxiety attacks, and reduce stress.  Once again, the practice will do all of those things but those are just the top dressing.  They are what initially keep you coming back.  Meditation, however, when practiced over time with consistency has the potential to change your thoughts, and therefore the way you feel.  Even the way you live. 

 Most of us don’t jump up and down with excitement when asked if we would like to meditate.  It appears boring.  Like nothing is happening.  You are just sitting there.  How silly is that? 

But it is a practice that has been around for hundreds of years so obviously there is something going on there.  Which brings me back to my question…..why do I meditate.

I have been meditating daily for 8 years so I know I am still scratching the surface, but the changes I see and feel are significant.  But the one that brings me back to my seat day in and day out, when I feel like it and when I don’t, and even when that early alarm goes off after a very late party is the clarity.  The guidance on how to live each day.

When we meditate we learn to relax the mind muscles and focus so that there is less thinking and more listening.  In the listening, wisdom pours in.  We suddenly just know.  I am finding it hard to put into words but it is as if I ask the Universe a question, listen and know. 

I use it for everything.  The little daily decisions and annoyances as well as the life changing events.  Ask, listen and know.   Sometimes it can take only moments.  Other times weeks or even months.  But I trust it implicitly and it never lets me down. 

If I find myself beginning to analyze, ‘think through’, google, worry or stress about something…… I head for my seat.  Take a big exhale, relax, empty and listen.  Waiting for the download.   Life is much simpler this way…..and more fun! 

And that is why I personally meditate……….  I am so grateful that meditation found me.  I recommend it J

Getting quiet so I can hear through life’s static,

SARAH