.....a bumpy road

Yogis,

I became a grandmother this week! 

Wow!  A grandmother.  A freshly erected signpost that speaks to where I am in my life.  A new generation below me.  A beautiful baby boy (who all of the other grandmothers have told me I should feel no shame in spoiling.)

I had a vision of what this would look like.  What it would feel like.  Me….arriving at the hospital just after the text saying the baby had arrived.  Going in and holding him/her.  Hugs all around.  Pictures taken.  That instant falling in love that so many had told me about.  I could see it.  I could feel it.  The text arrives.  Baby delivered!

But life has bumps in the road……..  My vision had to be altered.

7lb 7 ozs and 21 inches….just like his dad.   An immediate rush to the ICU….just like his dad.  Memories flooding back as I slept with the phone under my pillow waiting for hourly updates.  Clear visions of myself at 22 years old,  3:30am after a 26 hours labor being told that my son wasn’t breathing right.  The lights.  The noise.  Not holding him to my body for 3 long days.  Not the vision I had then either.

Life does have bumps in the road. 

But here we are now on day 7 celebrating my grandson’s release to go home.  Healthy.  Hearty. Happy.  And so unbelievably sweet…..just like his dad.

Life has bumps in the road……

We hold our vision, but sometimes there are unplanned turns in the path.  This was certainly one of them.  But in most challenges, if we can pause, breathe and look deeply, there is  a hidden joy and learning.  Here are some of my learnings from this emotional roller coaster of a week.

·         Because we live closer to the hospital, my son and daughter in law slept here.  They did 12 hour shifts at the hospital and then came home for a late dinner and sleep.  Having them here under my roof gave me the chance to envelop them in love and protection.  Like a mother bird, I slept better knowing they were beneath me.

·         I was reminded of the fierceness of a mother’s love as I watched my amazing daughter in law navigate this new terrain with purpose, emotion and determination…… all tempered each night by  the raw sorrow of having to leave a newborn behind. 

·         Sitting beside my son in the hospital, holding the baby and seeing him for the first time in his new role of father.  And recognizing what an incredible one he has already become.  A man I am proud to know. 

·         And me on day 3 finally sobbing my way through my yoga practice.  Remembering why I come to the mat each day.  The flood of emotion.  Tears of both sorrow and joy salty in my mouth.  Clearing me out so I can stand up and move forward. 

This week was not what I envisioned.  But life has its bumps.  However as all 3 of them head home to settle into their routine as a newly formed family, the path appears much smoother.   They are bursting with love.   And my love is boundless……..

And I am crying – yet again.

I am a grandmother,

SARAH