....a big leap!!

Yogis,

Here I am fresh out of college. A mere 21 years old. Eager with grand visions for my life ahead……..

 

I began my Xerox career only two months after graduation (I still remember that suit). New business rep was my title which meant knocking on doors. Lots of doors. My territory was a transitional neighborhood in downtown DC, with my very first sale to a small clinic which would later become a big name in support services during the Aids epidemic. Business skills and lifelong friends formed in those early years.

My intent was to stay for two years, taking advantage of the renowned training program and getting some sales experience under my belt so I could move on to what my real plan was - a stockbroker. But one thing led to another, as so often happens in life…….

My first son born only a year later. Promotion to account rep where at least the customers knew I was coming. Specialist. My run as demo queen (demonstrating technology) where no one could beat me and I eventually won the worldwide competition. Sales manager. Two more sons. And finally contracts manager which at last used the financial skills I had honed in my education.   

It is now 34 years later. Many changes at Xerox and many changes in the life of Sarah Cahill. Yoga entered 10 years ago making its mark on me and has been the ‘other secret half’ of life. A passion.  And I created a vision around it…… saw it…..watched it….nurtured it….spoke it. Seeing what I wanted.

Last month the wheels began turning as I was offered an early retirement package. It sat in my email for a while. I then hit print and it watched me from my desk.  I meditated. I hiked. I dreamed……and then I signed.  I have walked to the edge, looked out and jumped.

My vision has manifested!!! September 30 will be my last day as an active employee.

Xerox has been a true gift to both me and my family for so many years. I will always be grateful.  But it is time for a turn in my life’s path. Time for growth. Time to step out of my box.

What’s ahead? A clear canvas. Many ideas…many visions…..   We create our lives and I intend to continue to do just that. Stay tuned J

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh........

Be careful what you ask the Universe for,
SARAH

Going deeper.......

Yogis,

A couple of weeks ago  I wrote about looking beneath.  Seeing. Going deeper…..

I decided to do just that in my garden this week. To see the plants that I look at each and every day from a new perspective. I would head out to sit. Watch. Notice. Breathe. Take pictures.  And what I saw is in the on line slideshow I have posted below - Going Deeper. 

Shapes and colors I didn’t know existed. Insects so small that the first time they caught my attention was when I was deep inside a flower with my zoom lens. Beauty found not only in the new and young, but captured even in the dying. Beauty often lies beneath.

This is my first attempt at this so if somehow it doesn't start the movie properly when you arrive at the site, click on the little movie camera that pops up if you point your cursor toward the top left picture.  Sit back and see what lies beneath, within, around.   

“I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”
            ~Anais Nin

Link - Going deeper....   

Om,
SARAH

.....obstacles

Yogis,

This wasn’t the first time this happened. There is a good chance you may have experienced this yourself.  You open up the pantry closet and see it sitting quietly in the corner. You try not to notice but there is that undeniable shape of a pantry moth. 

 The dreaded Indian Meal Worm.  Darn it!!!!!

I get it out and shut the closet, convincing myself there is probably only that one that came in with something I bought.  Who the heck do I think I am kidding? This is not my first time to the rodeo.  I have been down this path a few times before over the years and know it is never quite that simple, but my mind is not ready to accept it quite yet. The next morning I see three more. Ugh. Too busy to give it much thought, until that night when I see four more. Ok, time to pull out potential culprits. 

I move things around and rifle through. The open bags of rice, crackers and flour hit the trash can.  Ok, done.  Not…….

The next morning I open the closet to get my nuts and there they are looking right at me. Three more.  The nerve!  I finally start to come to grips with what I knew deep down from that very first sighting had to happen. There is no shortcut.  EVERYTHING must be taken out and inspected.  Anything at all questionable must go. Shelves wiped thoroughly and aired out. Not a small project. 

When is it a good time to have this happen? Never. With a sigh, I drop what I am doing, draw in a large inhale and take the leap.  Oh my….the things I found.  Old bags of coconut hiding beneath the tea.  Dates from god knows when.  A half-eaten bag of pistachios that caused me to leap back when I looked inside.  Boxes with expiration dates of 2014.  All pitched. Everything left is now out on the counter and I spray down the shelves and scrub.  Off come the chocolate stains, the crumbs and some red substance that I have no idea where it came from. Once dry I carefully place what is left onto the shelves and step back. 

What I see smiles back at me!  It gleams! This pantry has desperately needed this care for probably two years now but when was that going to find its way into my day?  Next week, I would think.  As soon as I have one of those free rainy afternoons. Soon.

The moth was an obstacle thrown in my path.  Something I hoped I could ignore but it wasn’t going to allow that. In the end it was actually a gift…….as most obstacles are. 

It’s not until the toilet breaks and needs replacing that you realize how run down the bathroom looks and you finally begin to move on the update you keep talking about. Or that irritating lower back pain ramps up enough one day to finally cause you to sign up for  that yoga class you have been considering for a year now.  The argument with a friend or spouse that exposes parts of the relationship you realize haven’t been nurtured recently. Or road work closes the route you always take and you discover a great new store you didn’t know about on another street.

An obstacle. Something placed in your path which requires a shift in direction. 

Now you can keep ramming your head against it, struggle to move it out of the way or turn around and go backward……all of which I tried first with the moth.  Or you can pause and listen for its message.  Find the gift it holds inside. Discover the new path.

See obstacles as opportunities.  See obstacles as inspiration. 

-          From ‘All the Light You Cannot See’

Thank you moth,
SARAH

......I see you

Yogis,

I see you………

I didn’t always. 

When we first met all I saw was the car you drove up in and what you were wearing. The color of your hair. How tall you were and the way you introduced yourself. What you were carrying and the manner in which you stood. I heard your voice and felt how you shook my hand. The words you chose first. And from this I formed my judgment. You were ‘that’ kind of person. Placing  you neatly in one of my numerous categories of people. 

The next time we crossed paths I began to notice the way you held my gaze for a second longer than is ‘customary’ (….whoever decided what that is). How you have that habit of putting your hand to your mouth when you laugh and your clear desire to be liked as you compliment all of those around you. The way your eyes look down when you become uncomfortable and the step back you take when I come too close.

More time together and I now sense a softness under that somewhat rough exterior. Hearing your slightly unsure tone buried beneath the confident talk. The way you check your phone when the conversation takes certain turns. I see you glance at yourself in the mirror as we walk by and catch your almost inaudible sigh when the world gets quiet. 

Now after these months, I do see you. I know it can feel uncomfortable as the masks you so meticulously place on each morning when you step out from the shower are stripped away leaving your soul naked. As if I can see the curve of your hip or even that birthmark you carefully hide beneath your clothing. Wondering if I am watching your sorrow when I return your gaze or managed to catch a glimpse of the deep uncertainty you have for your future. I do see you. 

This dragonfly was visiting my garden the other day. At first I was trying to take her picture because of her beautiful blue coloring. Her clothes. But she wouldn’t stay still for long and my camera could not focus on someone so tiny.  She kept returning. Each time looking me right in the eye as if to say…..’do you see me?’  I got low and watched her mouth chew. So small and delicate. She would look away and then look back. Until my camera suddenly focused. Then I saw her. 

And off she flew. 

We judge. We categorize. But the deeper we look the more we see. The more we see the closer we become for we are all the same. You no different than I……all hiding beneath this outer shell we refer to as age, sex, race, education, political affiliation and economic status. Stand closer. Look beneath. See me.

Go deeper,
SARAH