....goats and grief

Yogis,

This week in classes we moved very……very……very…..slowly.  Landing in a pose and being there.  Watching what comes up –reactions, physical pleasure, discomfort, busy mind, boredom or judgment.  Being with whatever is.  Turning on the inner gaze to see things exactly as they are without our usual associated story playing in the background. 

Third eye center.  Our inner gaze.

Three years ago I spent a week in an intensive with Susun Weed.  It was that week that birthed this blog as I had so much to share.  In my first post, http://aspaforthesoul.blogspot.com/2012/08/weed-www.html, I tried to provide a small glimpse into her passion and teachings….many of which centered around her goats.  They determined the rhythm of our day.

This past Saturday one of her apprentices did the final milking and headed off to bed.  She did not check, as she had been reminded, to be sure the candle was blown out.   She didn’t look back from afar to see if the barn was dark, and did not ask herself in bed if she had done everything needed in her job.  That night the barn went up in flames and the eight goats and 5 rabbits perished. 

Last night an email was sent out to all of Susun’s followers with a heartfelt note from Susun about the ceremony they will hold, and a raw, seemingly naked note from the apprentice.  As I read her words, so many memories flooded back of how unwavering Susun is in her teachings on mindfulness.  That we must be here, present and awake to see what we are doing….or not.  Every moment.  Floating through life in a haze is not tolerated at Laughing Rock.  

I can’t imagine how hard it was for this young woman to write to us all.  It shows inner courage.  The easy way would be to say how sorry she was and flee.  Sorry was a word that Susun demanded we remove in our conversations with her.  A cop out, she felt.  Not ownership.  Not true change.  Don’t be sorry she would yell…….do differently. 

The apprentice shared that she is watching to see when guilt, blame and shame creep in and then sweeping them to the side as they are emotions of the mind that get in the way of what is real.  What is right here.  Remorse and grief.  Letting herself be “hurled around” by grief.  But at the same time, moving forward by creating a GoFundMe to raise money to help rebuild.  Taking steps toward healing herself and those affected with compassion. 

I am inspired by her ability to put herself out there.  But even more deeply moved by her ability to look inside and face what is there in order to ….do differently.  My heart goes out to her.

Seeing what is real,
SARAH