.....re-entry

Yogis,
Ready or not, here it comes!  Re-entry………

I knew eventually this day would come, but now that it’s here I am not sure I’m ready. Fourteen months snuggled in quietness suddenly coming to an end.

Yes of course there are things I am looking forward to. Walking along the canal without a mask and clear sunglasses, and not having to shout to the cashier to make my muffled voice audible. Being able to walk into friends’ homes, having the family together for celebrations that were put on hold and an island winter vacation.

Yet there are many aspects of ‘returning to normal’ that have me hoping the shift will take its sweet time.

I am reminded of going to the movies. Do you remember going to a matinee? Two hours of sitting quietly in a cool dark room absorbed in a story. The mind and emotions transported to another world. At the end the credits would roll and any voices were kept to a hushed whisper. The lights lifting only enough for a safe navigation of the aisle.

In those days you didn’t go back through the lobby. At the bottom of the theater next to the screen were doors that led outside. As the usher opened them you could see the stark contrast between the dimly lit theater and the bright sun of the outer world. And stepping through that door, eyes blinking and mind trying to adjust, was incredibly jarring. Horns honking, people talking, bikes flying by….as if nothing had changed. Yet I felt changed.

I am finding even the thought of re-entry jarring to my system. For introverts, empaths and those who were searching for peace before this all began, much of this past year has offered many blessings. But re-enter we must. But how?

The other day I was driving on a local highway and found myself sandwiched between two eighteen-wheelers, with someone so close behind we should have just driven together. All of us going 65 mph. I felt myself cringing. My hands gripping the steering wheel. Breath shallow. I remember this now. Two steps back…..

The planes are overhead and stores more crowded. You can feel the energy shift in the air. Soon there will be gatherings and the calendar will begin to fill. I already miss weekends with no guilt over moving slow. Of no plans. Of time spent with one person at a time where conversations felt more meaningful.

Discussions have begun of when and how my in person classes will start. I look forward to moving and breathing together but still can’t visualize exactly what that will look or feel like. I think back to how it was before, but it’s almost as if I am watching someone else. I trust that what it is supposed to be will be shown to me when the time is right. Baby steps forward……

I know not everyone feels this way. Some of you can’t wait to jump back in the saddle of life, but for me the thought of it all feels exhausting. My re-entry will be more like the pony ride at the fair.

I am not the same person who went into lockdown last year. I am changed. Please be patient with me as I navigate this re-entry.

Quietly happy,
SARAH