....a bubble of joy

Yogis,
The car is unloaded, suitcases unpacked and my two hour post vacation nap complete. I’m back from yet another fabulous week in the Outer Banks of NC……my 32^nd time. What began years ago as a trip to check out a new beach has evolved into a ritual which includes seven families, multiple dogs and an ever-expanding gang of toddlers and infants.

It is one of those traditions where everyone knows what to do without any discussion. Arrival time, beach games, favorite snacks and beach chair formation all fall into place seamlessly. But this year as we arrived we weren’t as sure. The world had changed since last year’s final late day toast, accompanied by the required Twizzler. How would it all feel?

As everyone first gathered on the beach it felt awkward. Air hugs. Standing back. Where to sit. But the sea air quickly helped us find our rhythm once more. Settling back into our bubble that we then moved through the week in. Talk of Covid replaced with updates on family. Nightly news replaced with pizza on the beach. Fear replaced with joy.

Living life.

I have been fortunate to have had the chance to go away a few times now since this all began, and each time I am so grateful for the respite. To have my awareness held on the movement of the clouds and the hot sand on my bare feet instead of on my pc. To gaze at the stars in the night sky and hear the pounding of the ocean each time I crest the dune. Knowing the times of the tides and watching the movement of the jellyfish. A bubble of joy.

The osprey dove for fish while the dolphin slapped their tails. Dragonflies landed and humored me while I got close for photos. Very close. Collecting shells and watching for ghost crabs. Living life.

On the last night as we yet again sat in the hot tub to transition from beach to dinner, discussion started on next year. I commented that we should all try to remember how we are feeling right now as we sit in the center of this storm. “How do you feel?”, they asked.

How do I feel? I feel that the almost cliché of ‘living in the moment’ that we all talk about is upon us. That the only thing I can be certain of is this moment. Next week, next month, next year…..who knows. And I am ok with that. A bubble of life is right here, and I am in it. Living life.

Sitting on our towels to dry off, we each picked an oracle card and my friend got the ‘Power of Joy’ card. Yes. We had indeed all found joy this week and wow is it powerful.

Noticing this moment,
SARAH

.....a clean sheet

Yogis,
When I step back to look at this unprecedented time in which we now sit, an image of a clean sheet of paper keeps coming to mind. A chance to re-write how we do things.

In reality we always have that opportunity. Every day is a new now with nothing set in stone, but it typically does not feel that way. We have our heads down, walking well worn tracks and believing we know what comes next. That we are in charge. But then BAM!  This all happened. One moment we felt in control and the next we were floating unattached from all that felt ‘normal.’

We are sitting poised to begin a new journey. Which way will we go?

The easiest thing is to jump back into those tracks and trudge ahead. Back to the ‘normal’ we had previously lived. Although you may recall, at that time everyone kept saying the way we were living was unsustainable. Or we can clear a new path…..

Our main obstacle is our limiting beliefs. Fences in our mind that have developed over time and tell us what is and isn’t possible. They create artificial boundaries that keep us tied to ‘how things are done.’ Let’s take the fall schools discussion as an example.

We are coming up with two options. The first is full online schooling. Now I don’t know about you, but when I was working at Xerox, if I had even two full day trainings involving my computer, I was a basket case by the end. And then there are those who simply cannot learn in that format because their brains aren’t wired that way. Ok, option 2. Send them to the school buildings which are indoor, shared areas and require adults to be with them and then send the kids home to breathe on parents and grandparents. Hmmmm…….

Fences in our mind.

Then there are the college kids. They may feel they need to take a gap year. But what do they do? No options for backpacking through Europe or joining Habitat for Humanity. There must be new options. Ways of being we haven’t even explored.

What if we decided that for one year we throw out the curriculum and its incessant demand for rising test scores and instead have teachers guide students in life projects? Perhaps older kids could spend some of their days with small groups of younger kids teaching them about nature, building or sewing? Or maybe we develop some loose national framework of issues our country faces and hand it over to the children and let them come up with plans and ideas using their individual strengths?

Take down the fences. No boundaries.

Many said we couldn’t work from home. Politicians believed the only way to solve the traffic issue was to build more lanes. We believed we couldn’t cut down on gasoline use. Aha says the pandemic! Those limiting beliefs uprooted in an instant showing us that indeed we could.

I can see the potential but don’t have the answers, but there are those out there that do. That aren’t bound by our ways. Let’s all look for them, give them the tools and put our doubts aside. Who knows what might happen!

Opening the mind for inspiration,
SARAH

....she was free

Yogis,
Let me begin by telling you how I came to know Margaret. In 2004 she became my next-door neighbor after marrying Danny, the long time honorary mayor of our street. At the time, he was 79 and she a spry 74. She quickly took her rightful place in their home, bringing order, preparing three meals a day and getting to know the neighbors.

Margaret is one of those people that watches your children grow, remembers facts you tell her about your life, asks how you are doing and isn’t shy about sharing her opinions. She knows what she wants, and she makes things happen.

It therefore wasn’t the least bit surprising that two weeks ago, when provided with a ‘name’ for the pain she had been experiencing, she took ‘life’ into her own hands. Her words were clear. She had lived a long healthy happy life and did not intend to grasp on and suffer. She would say goodbye the same way she said hello….with purpose.

Saturday morning I woke to a message asking if I would take a turn sitting by her bedside.

Margaret was 90 but you would never know it.....  Her spunk, wit, sense of humor, kindness and bright smile had not dimmed even one bit. She could also still pull off jeans and dangling earrings, and made some mean deviled eggs!  She was a beautiful and strong woman and a loving partner to Danny.

When I visualize Margaret and Danny, I see them walking down the street after dinner, holding hands. For years you could count on them sitting together on the driveway, welcoming in all....humans and dogs alike. There were always extra chairs if you could sit and stay a while. In these later years the chairs moved into the front porch but the love of catching up did not change. 

Sitting beside her bed I began telling stories to settle her restlessness. Stories of neighbors who have come and gone, my memories of her wedding day and things I remembered from her earliest days on the street. Stories of Danny. Soon she quieted. I listened to her breathe.

I have never been present for the release of a spirit, but on July 11^th, at 9:27 am, with my eyes closed I experienced a sensation and vision of doves flying out from my chest. I opened my eyes and knew. Margaret Louise Castle was no longer bound by the physical body which had run its course. She was free.

It was their 16^th wedding anniversary.

Margaret's absence will leave a large hole in Danny's life and on our street. They were partners, companions, best friends and lovers and they were never apart. Her largest concern in leaving was that he be taken care of.

I am not afraid of death. I read about it, talk about it and speak to those who have had near death experiences. I see it as a transition back to the source….a drop of rain returning to the ocean. Not to be feared. The peace I witnessed yesterday has strengthened this resolve.

Margaret, you were feisty…….you were determined…..you were loved. We will miss you.

Om,
SARAH

....turn the view around

Yogis,
I have returned from my first post - covid vacation. Every year we spend the last week of June at the Jersey shore with LOTS of family and our house is the central hub. Being the closest to the beach we house everyone’s beach chairs and umbrellas with our driveway used for overflow parking. The first floor powder room acts as the convenient and appreciated pit stop for all when coming and going.

Pre-covid, the activities didn’t end when everyone trudged off the beach….sandy, hot, tired and happy. Most nights after quick outdoor showers everyone would descend again for large family style meals, ice cream and some evening tv and games. But we knew this year would have to be different.

I began visualizing and planning how to do this all safely. The first and most difficult change was that only those staying in the house would be allowed in, with the one exception of the powder room. In the bag went Lysol and hand sanitizer to be kept on the sink. But how would we do dinners?

When all of these discussions among the troops were first going on, the focus kept coming around to all of the things we weren’t going to be able to do. Cook together. Hang out on the deck. Sit around the big table. Go out to eat on the last night…..all long time traditions. But then it hit me. We were looking at this backward. Whenever there is challenge, there are gifts underneath.

  

If you had told me in mid-April that we were even going to be going I would have disagreed. Yet here I was loading up the car. How grateful I was to be heading up the highway.

I packed a long folding table and some chairs with the idea that we could all have dinner on the driveway and under the carport. And we did. Fifteen or more of us spread out on our beach chairs under the cool pink evening sky eating delicious grilled salmon. How grateful I was to experience the sunsets.

Since our pizza outing was not in the cards, we chose instead to order 9 pizzas and 6 salads one night to share al fresco. As our food frenzy began slowing down, 3 bottles of champagne were popped to accompany my nephew’s announcement of a new baby on the way. The seagulls flew overhead. How grateful I was to be with this ever-expanding family.  

And since everyone is working from home, my sons and grandchildren were all there for extra days. On the evenings we chose to stay quiet, we all talked late into the night. I can’t remember the last time we had such quality time as a nuclear family. Our pod. How grateful I was to wake to the sound of my grandkid’s voices.

I realized as I was packing up at the end of the week that this year all of us spent the majority of our days and nights out in the sea air. The tv sat silent as we all connected under the waxing moon. Life seemed simpler. How grateful am I.

Beneath every challenge there are gifts,
SARAH