.....this is hard

Yogis,
This is hard. Life is hard. This week was hard. Writing this is hard.

I have been reading, watching and listening all week. Images and stories that bring me to tears. To know that people live their lives in fear makes my heart hurt. I have always known it, but it is easy in my safe comfortable corner of the world to forget. To hope that things are getting better. Then there is this.

I began searching for articles written that could help me understand at a deeper level. And what I found is hard.

Someone directed me to a young black woman who is an academic, activist, writer and lecturer, who is teaching others to Unlearn. I signed up for her program and began reading some of her work. Fast forward to the next day.

I read a comment a white woman made to one of her posts and then this woman’s response back which was sharp and direct. It wasn’t ‘nice’ and made me very uncomfortable. Here is my mind speaking….. Wow! Well I think I selected the wrong person. I don’t like this. Why couldn’t she have been more kind? Maybe I should cancel.

Then it hit me. What I was doing has a term. White Fragility. That as soon as the discussion offends me in even the smallest way, I’m out the door. That somehow my feelings are what is most important, and not the lifelong challenges of the other…..who by the way has their feelings hurt as a natural part of daily life.  

This is hard.

But it has to be. True change only happens when things get uncomfortable. Heated. Chaotic. If I choose to stay in the cool and comfortable side of the room, I am turning my back on those who need to be heard. This isn’t about me. I can leave, or I can learn.

I am admitting that I can’t ever truly understand….but I will use that as the catalyst to go further. I am admitting that I have privilege….. That I am making mistakes….. That I am White……. That I live in an unjust system…..  That my good intentions are not even close to enough…… I must change.

A simple phrase has been crossing my path these last couple of weeks. ‘Be still and listen’ It is time for me to let the people most affected speak without my need to challenge, twist meaning, or add in my thoughts or feelings. Simply listen.

I can learn or I can leave.  This is hard.

Uncomfortable,
SARAH