......leap of faith

Yogis,

I am a Capricorn.  If you know anything about Capricorns they are sure footed.  Steady, determined and grounded.  Watch a mountain goat and they will make their way to great heights, but by placing each foot firmly in front of the other.  Goats are not known for their leaping.  And neither am I………

When I was five and learning to ride a bike my father dutifully held on to the back bar as I wobbled my way down the street. I remember reminding him each time we went out for practice to ‘not let go’.  I would repeat it again to be sure I was heard. He assured me he wouldn’t and he didn’t. For weeks. I had my balance, had the pedaling down and was ready. But somehow I wasn’t.

It was no different a few years later at the pool as I stood on the edge of the board in perfect diving position, a line of kids waiting behind me in anticipation, only to finally hold my nose and jump.  Over and over and over. For weeks. I knew how to do it, could visualize it and was a good swimmer.  I was ready. But somehow I wasn’t. 

In class we have been working with the heart energy. Trust. Faith. No doubt. The home of the ‘leap of faith’. 

On our life journey, we first notice where we are and then uncover something that we want. We begin to take the steps toward it, seeing it clearly and leaning in. Preparing ourselves and our minds to make the change. But no matter how ready we are there is that small space that we must leap across to get there. That pause that exists in time when we move from where and who we are to what we want to be, leaving the old behind but not quite having arrived at the new .Stepping out into the unknown.With nothing in the physical world left to hold our hand, or the back of our bikes any longer we are asked to have complete trust that the arms of the Universe will carry us. Finding our wings. 

I watched some baby birds venturing out the other day. Now there is a leap of faith for you. From warm dark nest snuggled under mom to diving into the bright loud world never seen before. I envy those people who, like the baby birds don’t seem to see the leap as scary. Who hear a calling and sell everything and follow their heart.  Leaving the comfortable behind in order to grow appears to them as unquestionably essential. A ‘must’ more than a choice. 

My inner soul is a leaper but my mind in its Capricorn way wants to see where my foot will land next. Perhaps I can borrow someone’s wings for a while? 

Om,
SARAH

......wild things

Yogis,

My home backs up to a strip of woods filled with mature trees, a creek, ferns and an old stone quarry.  So…. I have a good sampling of the animal kingdom to keep me company.

Deer, fox, squirrels, chipmunks, woodpeckers, snakes, owls, bats, raccoons and turtles all live behind me and therefore share my space.  I love that!  Yes, the deer nibble my plants, the raccoons make a ruckus some nights and at least once a year a bat ends up in the house (with me screaming and running for cover). The squirrels each spring check every plant I try to put in a pot at least 10 times to see if perhaps they stored a nut there last fall, and the large woodpeckers have the ability to create a massive hole in my deck supports in a matter of seconds as they drill for carpenter bees.  But I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

The outdoors is ‘home’ to them all. I just happened to have placed a large box structure in the center of it all that I call ‘home’. I am the guest. But we as humans seem to have forgotten this…..

In the last few weeks there has been a lot of on line conversation in my area around ‘wildlife’. In particular, how to get rid of it. 

One thread dealt with a fox that may have attacked a cat.  Fox will rarely attack house pets, although it does happen.  The outdoor cats and the fox know each other and have established a truce, giving each other space.  My dog Phoebe is in the woods daily so I know that she is very attune to where they are and I am sure they have come across each other, with no harm done.  But the fear of the untamed has everyone bringing all animals inside and wondering if the fox is rabid. The night time mating screams are not helping their case. 

Another discussion was on a big fat black snake seen in someone’s yard that sent them and the kids all hiding in the house. Exterminators and trappers were called, but finally someone convinced them that they are harmless and will most certainly keep the rodent population in check. 

Chipmunks were yet another topic of concern. Talk of trapping them, baiting them and moving them elsewhere so they wouldn’t be in the front plant beds. I can tell you that a family of chipmunks has lived under my front porch for years and my plants have not suffered in the least. The digging and burrowing of chipmunks and squirrels is nature's aeration!

My sister even spotted a truck recently for a company that deals with sparrow issues. Really?  Sparrows? I guess you never know what a gang of sparrows may do…..

Mosquitoes are another target with everyone’s yards now being sprayed. The list goes on and on and companies are making a killing on our fear of ‘wild things’. I am visualizing that eventually you will be able to order a huge plastic see through bubble that you can place over your entire yard!  Controlled environment. Nothing ‘wild’ here, thank you very much. 

Nature has a consciousness. A rhythm that each animal, bug and plant play a part in.  Together we are whole. Start drawing us apart and unintended consequences arrive. Our role as humans is not to conquer nature, but instead to embrace and learn from it. In fact, I don’t know about you, but I feel we could all probably benefit from a little more wildness in our lives. Mmmmmmm…………….

Allowing the ‘wilderness’ to be just that.   

As I write this a few ducks are flying overhead heading back to the river. I love living here…..

SARAH

......patience

Yogis,

We recently launched an entire new line of products at work. My role is to price and add them to all of my contracts throughout eleven states. A lot to do. The sales rep’s job is to sell them which they can’t do until I have done my part. As you can imagine this can create tension. 

Someone sent an email to our group a couple of days ago asking when products would be added to their contracts. I and one other responded that ours wouldn’t be done until June 1 due to the variety of unique steps needed. There was an email response which I read and gave no further thought to.  My coworker though emailed asking if I was irritated. ‘No, I long ago decided not to be irritated’. I told him that I know I am doing the best I can and other people’s expectations can be what they are but I choose not to be affected.  He then asked if ‘in another incarnation’ would I have been irritated?  I said – perhaps. 

If I choose to be irritated, then I am irritated. Nothing in the situation changes except my mood.  I don’t want to work like that. It simply doesn’t feel good.

This ‘choosing’ comes with practice.

Fast forward to this weekend. All of the Comcast cable boxes had to be upgraded at the beach house so I dutifully stop to pick them up on my way down on Friday.  I spend the next hour climbing behind tvs, untangling cords, gathering dust bunnies and getting the new boxes in place. Proud of myself, it is now time to call in and get them activated! Not……..

For the next 2 ½ hours I am on with Comcast. Can you feel my pain? Eventually 2 work and 1 does not. The next morning another 2 hours of troubleshooting and then heading back to the store for a new box. Ok, this will do it! Not……..

I won’t bore you with all of the details, the googling, the 3 Comcast employees I got to know intimately or the number of times I had to repeat my 14 digit account number but suffice it to say that I now have an appointment set for a technician to come over Memorial Day weekend. Enough to send any rational person over the edge, but I chose not to go there. 

Patience is defined in the dictionary as ‘the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset’.  Or another begins with ‘the bearing of annoyance….’ Or ‘ waiting something out, or enduring’….. But I don’t agree with the wording of those. Accept, tolerate, endure all signify some type of inner struggle.  Fighting inside against that which is happening outside. If I am truly patient then it should be more of a letting go than a grinning and bearing. An inner peace with whatever is.

I observed myself throughout. When I would feel the inner tension begin to build I would breathe it away. When I began judging the person on the other end of the line I switched to viewing them as someone just like me, doing the best that they could. When I didn’t think I could call  back one more time without telling them ‘what I thought’, I paused awhile, had a snack and then dialed the number and once again entered my account number. 

Choosing takes practice. I credit my meditation for guiding me down this path…..of which I still have many miles to go. Baby steps.

Was this how I wanted to spend my weekend? No. But did I spend the whole time tense and irritated? No. Because then I would have been tense and irritated and nothing in the situation would have changed. I chose peace this time. It felt a whole lot better. 

Try it next time. I assure you that this life we lead will give you plenty of opportunities to practice J

Happy Mother’s (best role to teach patience) Day!
SARAH

.....interval living

Dear Yogis,

I remember the feeling so vividly. Young mother, three boys, challenging full time sales job. Sunday nights I would steel myself. Getting ready to put my head down and charge ahead on Monday morning.  Going, going, going……doing, doing, doing……until Friday at 5, where I could finally lift my head, take a deep breath and relax.  Whew!

Even to the point that at the end of a vacation I would look ahead to see what the next ‘break’ was going to be and set that as my next mile marker. Christmas holiday, three day weekend, beach vacation.  If I can forge ahead to then I will again be able to have time to relax. 

But what about all of that time in between?  Those hours, those days, those weeks. Was I simply holding my breath to keep the momentum?  I’ve even watched people filled to the brim with stress, muscling toward that promise at the end of the rainbow – retirement – where they can finally relax. Is this living?

It reminds me of being a runner. When my friends and I were training for a marathon we went for our long runs on weekends. Getting going and finding a rhythm, only to have someone need to stop to pee in the woods or work out a cramp. Ugh. I hated those stops. I wanted to keep my head down and keep going to the end. A body in motion wants to stay in motion and those first couple of steps after stopping caused us all to collectively groan.

But a strong runner knows the benefits of interval running. Mixing up the long distance endurance, the slow relaxed jog, the fast sprint and the complete stops. Weaving them together for a fuller more sustainable practice. I was not working any intervals into my running, and most certainly not into my life. 

I now run with Phoebe.  Dogs are naturally interval runners. At first it irritated me (which only caused me to be irritated and did not change her into a long distance endurance runner). But I now realize that I am slowly becoming an interval runner. Stopping for her to sniff and me to notice the new buds on the trees, and starting back up again right where we left off. And the belly breathing I have been doing and teaching these past two weeks is reminding me that I have also begun to interval live.

No matter how crazy the hour, or day or week is that lies ahead, it contains countless moments in which to relax. But it takes remembering. Pausing, slowing, stopping. Noticing how any moment is a gift waiting to be unwrapped – not to be pushed through. Any moment.

My neck this past year has served as physical reminder of when it is time to pause. Phoebe’s wet nose under my elbow insistently pushing my hands off the keyboard also brings me here and helps me to remember that life isn’t a race. I began using my garden as my slow jog and my rock circle as my stopping. Standing up every couple of hours to go out there to feel.  But it could be as simple as turning your chair away from the PC to take five conscious belly breaths. Or glancing out the window to notice the shape of a tree. The more often you practice this, the quicker you are able to dive into deep peace with only a moment’s notice and pick back up without missing a beat.  

After my garden visits or even a single deep slow breath, I find I am more focused, more peaceful and ready for the next endurance challenge with no clenching. In fact I get more done and feel I have more time. This is balanced fire energy. The steady flame which burns bright without burning us out. Relaxed strength. 

If only I had understood this long ago….. but I wasn’t ready. 

Watching the belly rise and fall,
SARAH