....a wish and a want

Yogis,

The more I get out of my head and into my body…..the more I feel.   The more I feel……the more I sense the stirrings of what I want. 

We all have wants.  We all wish for things.

I wish I could lose these last ten pounds……I wish I had more time for me……I wish I could sleep better at night…….I wish this hamstring injury would heal…….I wish I could do a handstand……I wish I could pursue my love of drawing…..I wish I could make a career out of my passion…..I wish…..

Wishes are like the dandelion seeds carried by the breeze when we blow.  Light and airy, and typically not grounded.  A little too fluffy.  When you wish for something, do you expect it to happen?  Is a wish followed by effort, or just a hopeful waiting? Do you even believe in your heart that what you are wishing for is possible? Do you even remember what you wished for? Feel the energy when you say “ I wish….” And fill in the blank.  There is no oomph.  No juice.  No ownership.

Now a true “want” on the other hand comes from deep within.  It isn’t fleeting and it doesn’t fade.  It is the soul’s desire to move forward.  Our spirit’s way of letting us know that we are capable of more. That we ARE more.  Wants are good!!   I WANT.  This type is not the least bit self-centered or egotistical and has deep roots.

So how can we differentiate between the two?   It’s quite simple. 

When we feel a want…a longing…a deep desire – we are willing to change for it.  To transform.  To create something new.  If not, it merely remains a wish.

I wish I didn’t have allergies (as I do nothing new, begin to believe I need allergy shots, and complain about them to anyone who will listen).  I want to be free of allergies so I can fully enjoy the spectacular beauty of spring with all of my senses (as I drink my stinging nettle and use my netti pot daily).

Neither is right or wrong….just notice.  Hold up the mirror.

So what is it that I want?  Sit quietly, close your eyes, slow the breath and soften the pelvic floor so you can awaken feeling.  What is it that I want?   Let it rise from below. Not a thought but an inner longing. 

…..and are you willing to change for it?   

I have a small metal block in my bathroom with the saying – “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail.”   A perfect question to guide you on this portion of the path.

Next week we move up to fire. Our power of transformation. 

I know that I am even more,

SARAH

...I am what I feel

Yogis,

For the last two weeks we let go to the downward pull of the earth’s energy.  Slowing down, grounding and reclaiming our natural state of inner peace.  Choosing calm.

What you find when you slow way down is that you notice more.  Awareness becomes keen and everything is clearer. What you want becomes more evident. You know what I found when I slowed down?   That….

I want to feel it all

Water.  That life giving force that transformed my back yard from a brown barren wasteland to a green oasis with just one good soaking rain. Moisturizing and loosening the earth so life could burst forth.  In us the water energy is our aliveness….our juiciness.  What makes us feel.   And…..

I want to feel it all

Our water energy.  Movement.  Moisture.  Malleable.

To me water is that wildness that often seems just out of reach in my corporate, suburban life.  Not the definition of wild that our culture has incorrectly sold us….the one of “Girls gone wild”, partying, that image of out of control, sloppy and taken advantage of.  No.  The wildness of being fully in my  body and experiencing everything that this humanness offers up.  Connected to the earth and its ways.  The sensations of rolling in the sand, running in the early morning rain, soaking in a tub with salts and rose petals and dancing alone naked in the candle light.  Being awakened by the hoot of the owl and feeling the pure rush of adrenaline when lightning strikes the earth below my feet .  The awe of a fresh rainbow or a pink sky at night.  Hugging another so tightly that our two hearts meld into one. 

Sensual.  Creative.  Flowing.

In a world that has become somewhat “uptight”, I want to be loose, flexible and open to receive.  Where academics are held in the highest regard so even the existence of recess is being threatened, I want to run with the wolves.  Does it even matter how much I know and what I learned if I can’t reach in to touch my deepest longings? I want to lean into the caress of the wind and hear its wisdom. I am not my thoughts. I am not what I know.  I am what I feel.  

Water.  Wet.  Wanting. Wonderful.

Mmmmmmmm…………………………

I can feel you,
SARAH

......choosing to exhale

Yogis,

Here I sit once again.  Back in my rock circle.  Sun warming my back, birds singing and squirrels searching the piles of fallen leaves for any hidden treasures.  Outside.  It feels soooo good.  I have missed this!  Earth.

These last couple of weeks I became ungrounded. I lost my connection.   It is bid season for public sector customers, and I do the pricing for bids.   It happens to all of us.  Those days, weeks or sometimes even years where life becomes a bit of a blur.  Each thing we do simply leading to the next thing we are going to do.   Always “on the way”.  Alarm goes off, into the shower, dressed and heading for work, meetings back to back, a bite to eat at the desk, a conference call, driving home, stopping at the store, cooking dinner, personal emails cleared, bills paid and off to bed.  Only to do it all over again….  Do you ever feel like that?  

It’s ok, I will relax on the weekend.  I can’t wait for that vacation next month when I can slow down!  In five more years I will be able to retire and THEN I will have time for me. 

But what about now?  What about right here, right now?  What about this moment?

I am not willing to give away 5 out of 7 days.  Or the 9 hours that I work out of the mere 16 that I am awake.  I don’t want to wait for a vacation to relax.  I want to feel connected and aware and at peace every single moment………..Is that possible?

I believe it is.  It is our natural state.  Earth energy is part of our being. But it takes choosing that and practice and patience.  You living life, and not life leading you. 

When I was deciding on a name for my yoga studio I chose Serenity because it means “the state of being calm, at peace and untroubled”.   The state of.  Hhhmmm.  Not “traveling to somewhere calm and peaceful”.  The state of.   The inner world.  Being serene.  No matter what is happening on the outside.  Choosing relaxed and having the rituals that connect me to the energy of earth as a daily priority.  

Sitting on my rocks.  Stopping during my work day to walk Phoebe for 5 minutes.  Pausing to notice my breath.  Doing my yoga practice at lunch time.  Taking off my shoes once the weather changes.  Drinking my stinging nettle.  Taking big, slow, long, conscious exhales to drain everything out……  Trust me - your company and family will not collapse if you take these little breaks.  In fact after them, you are more settled, kinder and focused.   

Bid season comes regardless.  How I choose to live in it is my choice.   And I am choosing calm. I am choosing to exhale.  I am choosing relaxed, because it feels so incredibly better than the alternative. 

So the next time you are in that “haze” of life (traffic jam, angry client, line at the store), remember this email (earth is our past), stop suddenly to observe, feel your feet on the ground, take two slow breaths, look around at the beauty that surrounds you, and step back in relaxed and serene.  Over and over and over……………..

The trees seem to have this concept down pat,

SARAH

.....I'm safe!

Dear yogis,

Did you play tag in your neighborhood when you were young?  Or maybe group hide and seek? 

I can still feel those warm summer evenings after dinner being out there until the sky darkened.  I remember hiding behind trees or under bushes until whoever was “it” would see me.  Then my heartbeat would quicken and I would run as fast as my little legs would carry me.  Weaving in and out so as not to get tagged.  The rush of being chased.  Out of breath, taking that final leap to reach my hand to the big oak tree.  Base.

“I’m safe!”

No one could touch you if you were on base.  You were safe from being chased, tagged or being told you were “it”.  On base the heart rate slows, a big exhale is released and the muscles relax.  No longer anxious.  No need to look over your shoulder.  Home plate in baseball offers that same release. 

Base is equivalent to the energy of earth.   Relaxed, grounded and heavy.  Coming to a stop.  Home.  Able to let go and reconnect……..

This week in classes we started the chakra journey yet again.  Dropping back down to earth.  Muladhara chakra.  The beginning.   Located at the tailbone, the energy of gravity.  Downward pulling and our s..l…o..w..e..s…t  vibration.  It is our innate ability to relax………….

Stop for a moment and notice anywhere in your body that you are holding.  How is your jaw?  Your shoulders?  Belly?  Slow your breath.  Take a big conscious exhale and ask the body to soften.  To sink.  That wave of relaxation you feel is earth.   When we connect to it, we feel safe.  No looking over our shoulder. 

We each have our “base”.  That place we feel safe, relaxed and able to let our guard down.  What is it for you?   A special place in your home.  The garden.  Lying on the beach.  Your special chair.  A fuzzy blanket you wrap around you.   I have many, but when I feel unusually scattered or emotional, my bed is my cocoon.  I go up, close the door and lie face down sideways, across the bed.  Here I can sob, release a pent up anger or have a heart to heart with the Universe.  No longer being chased by life. 

We need earth energy….but it can often feel just out of our reach.  The ability to relax is a true gift.  But how do we tap in?   Not only when we have that special blanket around us, but when sitting in rush hour traffic late for an appointment?  How do we touch base anytime and anywhere that we choose…..

I will give you a hint.  Tune inward.  You will never find it by searching in your daily life. More next week……………

I am right here,

SARAH