...riding the waves of emotion

Yogis,

For the past two weeks we have been working with Svadisthana, the water chakra.  The energy of water is our movement, our moisture, our flow.

My message was that life comes to us in waves.  Things, people and events flow toward us……and then flow away.  Sometimes over long stretches of time and sometimes in the blink of any eye.  But the flow of anything in one direction is certain to shift the other way.  Life and all it contains is in constant movement.  Expansion and contraction.   Impermanent.  The flow.

When that which we like flows in bringing us comfort and pleasure, we attach.  So its inevitable movement away causes us to suffer.  Likewise, when that which we don’t want comes our way we often struggle against it, which is like trying to hold back a wave……a useless endeavor…..and again we struggle.

We work with the water energy to learn to ride the waves – lying back on a raft, feet up, letting life be exactly as it is at the moment and feeling it deeply.  Trusting that everything is as it should be.

 

Little did I know I was teaching myself.

Thursday started normally.  A run with Franklin, meditation and a shower.  But then life took a turn.  Franklin bit someone that had come to the house.  That moment, vivid in my memory moved in slow motion.  My smile turned to fear and then to tears in a matter of minutes.  A wave had arrived.

The next few hours are a blur.  Them off to the hospital for shots, phone conversations with the adoption coordinator and my vet who had just met Franklin the day before, and calls to my family as I was all alone……all done while sobbing.   Options were provided.  He could be put on Prozac, we could do blood work to see if there is an underlying illness causing him discomfort, he may need to be quarantined, we could bring in a trainer, and on and on and on. 

My mind started to get involved.  “You can’t give him up.  You adopted and committed to help him.”  Self-judgment.  “How will I tell everyone?  What will they think?  I am not strong enough”   Making a plan.  “I can have a trainer come to the house.  I can make this work.”  Guilt.   I wanted so badly for someone to TELL me what to do.  I yearned for a way not to have to make this decision alone.  I felt hollow.

It took 4 hours of emptying through tears to be able to see within with clarity.  I had known the second it happened that I could not keep him.  Yet it took all of that time for me to allow that inner knowing to bubble up to the heart and to have it still the mind enough to give me the inner strength to say the words.  To make it real.  And then I actually had to do it.

In classes I had been saying – When you are sad…..feel sad.  Well on Thursday I did and still do. Deep emotion.  Tears are coming much further apart now, but when they do I am letting them flow.  Water is for healing.

This was the right decision for both me and Franklin.  I have a home where all are welcome and Franklin was simply not ready for that.   Now that we know more about him the rescue group will find a family that can provide what he needs.  And in time the dog that is meant to be my partner will arrive.

I think I need another tissue,

SARAH

....a new boy in town

Yogis,

One year, four months and four days after losing my yoga assistant, partner in crime, canine soul mate and breath guide, Molly, I have ventured into a new relationship with Franklin………….

Last Sunday morning I woke up free as a bird.  No kids, no pets.  My time my own as I lounged in bed and watched the sky.   A mere 4 hours later after attending a lab rescue adoption event I was once again being stared at as “mom”.  Franklin has lived in at least three or four homes/settings since his birth only 5 years ago.  Today marks our first week of settling in and getting to know each other.  Amazing how much change there is when one new personality enters into your life – especially an 85 lb one.  And where there is change, you can always look for growth and new learnings.  I have already had several………………….

Franklin has many wonderful qualities.  He walks well on a leash, sleeps through the night like a champ, gives great kisses (I just got one in fact, right on the face), has a sweet temperament and good breath.   On the other hand, as he has gotten more comfortable he has shown some a little less endearing ……….picking up his water bowl when it is half full and pouring it out,  small anxiety episodes and barking ferociously when anyone walks in or comes to the door – this in a house where no less than 50 people come in each week, typically without knocking.  Oh my. 

I found myself saying several times that Franklin  has the potential to be a great dog, but then caught myself.   He IS a great dog.   He simply has some challenges he needs to work through.  No different than any of us.  Franklin, just like each of us, is perfect.  Life with its ups and downs has just piled on some layers.   But with patience and a lot of love, the perfection that I see when I look into his eyes will shine brighter and brighter.  If only it was that easy to see the perfection in each other as we move through life.  That recognition that the one we are looking at, like Franklin, when we can see beneath life’s layers, IS great.   

We just finished working in class with the energy of earth.  Earth energy relates to our sense of being safe.  That everything is OK.  Feeling grounded and nurtured.  It is our childhood and our past.  Our history.  When we lose our connection with earth energy we are anxious.  Fear and anxiety are symptoms.   As I watched Franklin last night during an anxiety episode I realized that many of the symptoms I was witnessing, which I was concerned about during the week, will most likely fade away over time as he senses that he is now safe.  That his basic needs will be met and that he can count on us as his foundation.  His tribe.  Once again it is no different with us.  A sense of belonging, either to our biological family or our spiritual family or to the Universe at large, brings us comfort and peace.  Trusting without a doubt that the Universe will always provide for our basic needs allows us to relax.  And when we do……the outward symptoms gently fade away. 

Everyone has of course asked about Franklin’s past.  I know about his last 4 months, but everything beyond that is vague.  This week I thought I should ask more questions to find out why I was seeing some of his behaviors.  What caused them?  Where did they come from?   That I should know more about his history.  But again I caught myself. 

So many people have said how lucky Franklin is to be joining my family.  That everything will be good for him now and all will work out.  As if this present moment can somehow erase his first five years of life.  And you know what?   They are right!  I don’t need to know his history, just as I don’t need to know yours.  He doesn’t need a therapist to work through whatever he has experienced in the past.  The past no longer exists.  What he needs is to feel loved, trusted and held in this moment.  Once more….same thing for us.   Every moment is brand new and a chance for change in whatever direction we, or he, choose to take.  Only we can let the past hold us…..or let it go with a long slow exhale.

Why is it so much easier to see all of this in an animal than in myself?  I think it is because they are simpler.  They don’t overthink everything,  blame their parents, or hold a grudge.   They are transparent with their feelings and don’t hold back.    And they aren’t us.  Yet they are such wonderful teachers. 

Yes he is lucky to have me……but I am equally, if not more, lucky to have him.  There are no coincidences.  Thank you Universe!

Lots of exhales for Franklin,
SARAH

...so don't worry about me

Yogis,

I was asked to tell last week’s story on worry and compassion from Betty’s perspective.  So I have asked her to share her thoughts with all of you:

Hello, Betty here!  I understand you all know about my surgery.  Honestly I have been very hesitant to let people know what I am going through because I don’t want everyone worrying about me.  Worry is a heavy load to carry and mine alone feels like ton of bricks without piling on everyone else’s. 

But it’s deeper than that.  I want to live my life.  I don’t want every conversation to begin with my latest test results and even worse I don’t want that look you have in your eyes when you worry.  You know the one I mean.  It makes the air between us thicker, when all I want to do is talk about the wedding we are going to or sit together in the garden listening for the owl.  When I walk into the neighborhood store I don’t want to be viewed as the ill one and hear the hushed whispers.  I would rather you come over and invite me to the next goddess gathering. 

It isn’t your fault.  Worry, although we tend to link it to the other person, is deep down the fear that it will happen to us.  Whatever “it” is.  Compassion on the other hand is you hugging me with your light, love and healing energy.  All things I can use a lot of right now! 

Also, not worrying in no way translates to not doing.  Or not helping.  The meals that my friends have delivered have been a godsend.  The unexpected flowers on my doorstep, recommendations for good books, and the play dates for my girls all touch me deeply.  It has almost made this fun.  Worry and doing are entirely different and distinct energies.

 

But someone asked me how I am working with my own worry.  My anxiety over the future which is still unwritten.  More challenging than shifting away from worry about another…..because I am always here.  Can’t get away from myself!  Unfortunately no “out of sight, out of mind” for this situation. 

But in reality is it that different?

First I watch for those telltale signs that worry is creeping in.  I notice.  Everything around me becoming dull and distant while what’s in my mind becomes sharper.  I notice how my body begins to tense and I hear the stories my mind begins to spin.  Then I turn to my tools….

• Breath.  My anchor.  I shift awareness inward and begin to watch the rise and fall of the breath.  Always there.  Always centered.  The breath is the quickest way to bring me back to the present moment.
• Noticing this moment.  Turning on my senses to hear, see, smell and feel what is happening right now.  Here.  And what I have noticed is that in almost all cases, this moment is fine.  Worry tends to be about some unknown future moment.  But in this one – I am OK.  I like that.
• Tuning in to my natural state.  I am not ill.  I am healthy and whole.  My body is simply experiencing an illness.  But the illness is not me.  "I" am healthy and whole.  I close my eyes and feel that.  I begin to vibrate at that frequency.  Visualizing myself with complete health.

I am discovering that illness is a teacher, and I want to learn what it has to show me.  When all is fine I can be outward focused, but right now my journey is within.

It is a practice.  I do it over, and over, and over.  Not allowing my present moments to be darkened with worry because I……just like you and everyone else….don’t know for sure how many I will have, and I don’t want to miss out on even one!

What we think is what we become,

SARAH

I am not worried about you

Yogis,

I have written about worry many times.   However it keeps coming back to me as something that can use consistent awareness since it seems to hold so many in its grip.   It is a powerful energy and while it’s easy to say “I’m not going to worry” it’s not as easy to do. 

Recently I have had some people close to me going through health challenges.  Illnesses, surgeries and hospital stays.   So over these last couple of weeks I have had some new insights on both worry and its counterpart – compassion. 

First let’s start with worry. 

·         Worry happens in the mind

·         It’s energy is one of contraction – it narrows and focuses the topic at hand

·         The more attention it is given the more it ramps up, spiraling from one point to the next and to the next

·         The rest of the body becomes rigid and breathing becomes shallow

·         It does not feel good

·         Sometimes it seems that the only way to avoid it is to stay very busy.  Distracted. 

·         We often feel it is our duty, our obligation to those we love to worry about them

Worry is a projection of the future, very rarely with a positive outcome.  It is our way of imagining  the myriad of things that could possibly go wrong.  Often it runs in loops projecting the same images over and over and over.   No direction.  No true purpose.  Worry never changes the outcome, yet causes us to lose our sense of peace in the present.

Compassion. 

·         Happens in the heart

·         An energy of amazing expansion –  boundless and free

·         The more attention it is given the more strength it gathers causing you to shine brighter

·         The rest of the body becomes light and spacious and breathing becomes full

·         It feels wonderful

·         Once it is found we want to embrace it and remain in its company (although it may cause tears as we truly touch others suffering)

·         We haven’t all been taught the difference to be able to choose compassion over worry

Compassion is focused in the present.  Its direction is clear.  It has a pure purpose.  Compassion, I believe, can indeed have a positive effect on the outcome – even if it is merely the other feeling held and loved by our energy.  Compassion equals connection.

Worry is fear based.  Compassion is love based.  

So let’s imagine a scenario.  Say I have a cousin named Betty who is going through a major surgery. 

Option #1:

I worry.  I tell everyone I am worried.  I find friends who will discuss our combined worry.   I google all of the things than can go wrong.  I think through all of the possibilities – her not making it through; what will happen to the kids; they will grow up with no mom;  Or maybe she will make it through but not have her health.  I pace.  I go to bed and wake up in the middle of the night.  Here is where worry LOVES to party.  The stories get worse.  I can’t sleep.  I feel nauseous.  Now the next day while the surgery is going on I am exhausted from no sleep.  I keep very busy so I can calm the worry.   Only when I get the call that everything is ok do I take my first full breath and let my body relax. 

Option #2:

That evening I work with imagining Betty at her healthiest and drawing that feeling of her toward me so we are together.  I breathe with her.  I smile at her.  I begin to notice my heart and with each inhale I send her love.  The heart keeps opening wider and wider until I feel as if love is rushing out of me directly into her.   I do this one more time before going to sleep and visualize her leaving the hospital healed.   I sleep soundly.  In the morning I am fully rested and can hold her in my presence with love and compassion during her surgery.  Breathing fully together.  When the phone rings I know that no matter what I hear, I supported and held her throughout.

And if you were Betty, which one would you want from your family and friends?

This week begin to notice your worry triggers.  Feel the energy of worry and give it words.  Describe it to yourself.  Catch yourself at it.  Smile at it. 

…….and then drop your awareness down into the heart. 

Please don’t worry about me,

SARAH