I want to feel it all.......

Yogis,

Just back from the final beach vacation of 2013.  A week of simply doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to.  Walks, books, yoga, friends, ice cream and several beach naps. 

Those of you who have been to the beach with me know my ability to lay out my towel, place myself in the prone position and within 3 minutes, slip into a deep restful sleep.   And I can do this even with everyone around me, coolers being opened for fresh beers and an occasional yell across me from someone directing a beach activity.  But this week we were alone and at one point, the only truck on the beach and I slept….and slept….and slept.  Heavy.  For 2 hours!  It felt magnificent. 

My body creating a mold of itself in the sand.  A warm sun on my back, filtered by a cool breeze.  With the steady rhythm of the waves, not only heard but felt.  Earth and water.  Letting go into a giant exhale. 

Rehoboth Tower

Last Friday I was out of town, so it had been two weeks since my “time for me”.   A challenging yoga class, tapas and a couple of beers at Jaleo.  Back home in my room, windows open, candles lit, music on.  I start to move and it happens.  Every time. 

I realized that this time each week is like connecting to my inbox of mail from the Universe.  And since it had been two weeks, there was a lot of mail!  Message after message pours in.  Not at all unlike what happens when you connect to your inbox from work after having been away for a week – but a whole lot more fun and fulfilling.  And the only reply needed to any of them is a simple thank you.   It felt magnificent.

Let me ask you a question.   Which would be your desire right now - to think more, or would you choose to feel more? 

And if you chose to feel more, would you want it to be deep or shallow?

I know I for one, want to feel it all…..

I was reading a book this week that made me alternate between laughing out loud, and sobbing (enough that suntan lotion was dripping into my eyes).    At times I would have to stop to let the words settle into my bones (and squeeze my eyes shut to stop the stinging).   My husband was having a hard time understanding why I would choose a book that made me cry.  For me, that is what I want a book to do……make me feel.   Not entertain me, but move me. 

This is also why I dance.  Not night club type dancing or learned steps, but letting my body surrender to the music.  We have to move in order to feel.  Our bodies are warehouses of everything that has happened, not only to ourselves but to our ancestors.  It has ancient wisdom that we can unearth by simply beginning to sway.   And the more we do it, the more we drop the idea of how we are supposed to dance, the more we let go into it…..the more we feel.    The more mail shows up in our inbox.  And it feels awesome. 

But I also noticed that I have certain things I still prefer not to feel.  Fear being one of them.    I don’t choose scary books, and tend to decline offers of things that make me nervous.  I don’t like to be scared.  However, to live from the feeling mind, to feel it all, we cannot pick and choose.  So fear is the one that I am consciously beginning to move toward in order to feel it more fully.   

We are not who we “think” we are.  We are who we “feel” we are.  So make sure the feeling mind is being given plenty of opportunity to be opened, challenged, expanded and experienced.   When you make the shift you will know because there is no longer the urge to hurry.  Everything slows way down because we are truly present.   Each moment becomes huge and there is so much you can do in each and every one.  It feels satisfying. 

My garden bunny is now my daily friend, coming to my whistle and sitting by my side to eat bird seed.  Our time together feels spectacular!

I want to go deep,

SARAH