....seeds

Yogis,
My phone rang a little before 9 on Friday morning. It was my mom telling me a bouquet of flowers had been hand delivered a little earlier that morning (flower deliveries at 8am?) and that they were gorgeous.  

Probably ten years ago I started sending flowers for Mother’s Day, with the arrival always scheduled for Friday so they could be enjoyed the whole weekend. My dad agreed to take a picture and send it to me so I could see for myself. I knew right where the flowers would be sitting.

My mom then went on to say that there were so many different colors and types of flowers and that simply looking at them was proof that there was a God.

This has been a running theme throughout my life.

I can remember being very young and her sharing this message with me. That anyplace or anything that inspired a sense of awe or wonder was an easy place to feel the connection of a greater power. Seeing a sunset. Looking over a vista. A rainbow.

Back then, as a good Catholic girl, I pictured God as a man up in the sky that I felt I was supposed to be a little afraid of. Over time my image and beliefs have shifted, yet I feel the presence of a benevolent force behind the awe. A divine creative power that swirls things into being.

Over the past few weeks I have been planting seeds. Dried out and so tiny, I prep the soil, sprinkle them about, shower them with a little water and wait. And every time I spot one of them poking their little heads up to reach for the light, I am astounded that nature can make that happen. That earth, our universal mother, can create life so effortlessly.

Before long these flowers will be big and bright and able to become a bouquet that sits on a mother’s kitchen table. And then from those, seeds can be saved and scattered once more. Amazing.

My mom planted many seeds in me……. Be kind to everyone and everything. Be sure to laugh. Never wear underpants with holes in case you are in an accident. And always stay connected to the awe.

Happy Mother’s Day,
SARAH

....simple (take 2)

Yogis,
It’s hard to believe we are in May! Seems so recent that the new year was launching, and I was sitting here writing about selecting a ‘word of the year’. A word that encapsulated your vision or intention for the year. One that had the right feeling tone. It’s time to check in.

Did you pick one? Do you remember what it was? How is it going?

The word I selected this year was ‘simple.’  As much as I still relish the word, I will admit that choosing it hasn’t had a great impact on my life so far. I want it to…..or at least I believe that I do. Yet, like most changes it takes more than wishing. It requires an inner shift.

I have taken a few steps. Cleaned out a couple of cabinets. Donated a bag of clothes. Cancelled a few subscriptions. Spending less time on my computer.  But as some things clear it seems others fill in. Life and I do not feel simpler.

I receive daily contemplative emails from Richard Rohr’s organization and each week there is a theme. Last week was simplicity which was what got me thinking about all of this. What struck me most were some quotes by sister Jose Hobday. A little of what she said:

“Some folks admire simple living. They would love to declutter. They would love to walk freely. But they don’t really want to do it, because they don’t do it. You must take the actual steps. We can’t do it in our heads. Simplicity is not an idea.”

I love that!  It is not an idea. So what is it?

She goes on to talk about how simplicity must walk through our lives with us. Go to work with us. To the store. We must wear it. Something we embody. My head was nodding with each sentence. I can see that I am treating it like an idea and hoping it will happen. Not a good plan.

When someone who lives simply walks into our lives we can see it on them. We can feel it in them. It is them.

I would imagine this to be true for any shift we are wanting in our lives. Positivity…. Courage…… Trust…… Growth…. They can’t live in our heads.  We must begin by putting them on.

I will be doing a ‘take 2’ on simple.

As spiritual writer Paula Huston says about living simply, ‘it is infinitely more enjoyable’,
SARAH

....alone time

Yogis,
My husband was away fishing the last four days. This separation only happens a few times a year. Neither of us ever had jobs that required travel and we take vacations together. He even works from home now. We see each other a lot.

When I mentioned to people that he was going, some asked if I would be alright. What would I do while he was gone. Would I be nervous. Bored. Lonely. Was I making any plans.

Many of you though, know exactly how I was feeling. Whoo Hoo!! The whole house to myself. Let the party begin!

Not that kind of party……but a party with myself. Alone for four days where I can do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it. No schedule and a very loose plan that twists and turns on a whim. A sense of freedom.

I kicked it off with a trip to my happy place. The plant nursery. I could spend hours walking through reading the labels. Or even just standing there immersed in plant energy. My plan was to buy a couple of plants but of course left with a cart full. How could I not when they were all asking to come with me? Loaded in the back we all headed home.

I then proceeded to do a couple of days of hard gardening. Digging holes. Lugging big bags of mulch around the yard. Cutting branches. Choosing where to put who I had bought and then being so happy to see them settled in. I was filthy, tired, wet and oh so content. Finally going inside each night around 6, cracking a beer (cause why not?) and watching a sappy series on Netflix.

One night involved a long soak in the tub with salts. My muscles thanked me. Music played loud while I danced in the kitchen. And in my spare time, I was ruthless in my cleaning out of some cabinets.

Oh and the food! That is where things really change when alone. Dinners involved scrambled eggs, baked sweet potatoes and delicious salads. No menu. Putting together what I felt like eating whenever I felt like eating.

By the time you read this note he will have returned and we will be back to full meals. We love spending time together and will fall quickly back into our rhythm. But (wink, wink) I am deeply grateful for the time I had alone.

Resonating with anyone?
SARAH

....turtle time

Yogis,
My sister always knows what books I will enjoy. That’s why after reading and falling instantly in love with ‘Of Time and Turtles’, she handed it off to me with the caveat that this one was to be eventually returned. That’s how much she connected with its main characters…..the turtles.

The book, written by Sy Montgomery, is a true story of the time she spent volunteering for a turtle rescue league. While helping heal turtles she learned about the critical role turtles play in our environment. The experience changed her life and provided hope and meaning in a world that can at times seem to be missing both. The byline of the book is ‘Mending the World, Shell by Shattered Shell.’

I finally got a chance to start the book last week and as I opened the first page my jaw dropped. A short quote sat on an otherwise empty page. ‘Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.’ The exact same quote by Laozi that I had used in my Sunday writing the week before. I knew then that this book would be a special experience for me too.

Did you know turtles walked with dinosaurs? They can live over two hundred years, sense a pond a mile away and have over 300 species. They have personalities. And they are slow……

So yesterday morning I ran to the river and spent time sitting quietly on a fallen tree watching the water go by. Shifting into turtle time. Noticing the profusion of phlox in bloom and the spring green of newly opened leaves. Closing my eyes I listened to a symphony of bird calls.

As I often do, I asked the Universe for guidance on what to write, and then as an afterthought mentioned how nice it would be to see a turtle. Thanking the river and trees I headed home.

Not an hour later I glanced out the window to find a turtle marching along the path in my medicine wheel garden! Spotlighted by the sun you couldn’t have missed it! Head high and moving with purpose.

Out I went with phone in hand for a photo shoot. Seeing this turtle in a different light than in the past. With love, respect and gratitude. I gently helped remove a small stick stuck to her face and told her how awesome she was.

Turtles look right at you.

What a gift…….
SARAH

.....spring cleaning

Yogis,
Spring has sprung and my body is feeling it all. Tight shoulders and sore leg muscles from all the bending, twisting, squatting and reaching that spring in the garden requires. I have been literally knee deep in leaves, sticks and weeds as I begin this year’s spring cleaning in earnest.

No rake or leaf blower for me as I crawl in to remove old growth and weeds by hand, not wanting to risk harming any shoots pushing their heads through the earth toward the light. Every heavy handful of soggy leaves I lift reveals something.

Oh, hello bergamot! Welcome back echinacea! Excited to spend another summer with you goldenrod! The scent of mint wafts by as my hands comb through a raised bed. Looking forward to adding you to my eggs, chives!

All my old trusty friends who return year after year. Dependable.

But then I move some sticks in an area I remember being bare and see someone unfamiliar. Hhmmmmm…… Obviously I planted this last year but I have absolutely no idea who it is. This happens every spring at least a few times. New plants that I add at the end of a summer that thankfully come back but my memory of them does not. Thank goodness I didn’t go buy a plant for this spot already.

It’s both baffling and thrilling! Something that isn’t new, but feels new. I am reminded of my closet.

Every spring when I vow to ‘spring clean’ my closet and drawers I begin to pull everything out. One by one. By hand.

Yellow tank top, you will be getting a lot of use this summer. Yay white pants, you still fit well! I forgot your perfect pocket for my phone, running shorts. And then I come across a summer dress I have had a few years that is still unworn which I completely forgot I own. Embarrassingly the tag still on.

I try it on. It fits perfectly and feels right! The shopping I had planned for an upcoming event has suddenly been crossed off the to do list. This isn’t the first time I have shopped successfully in my own closet. Not new…..yet new.

In spring we have a natural urge to clean, purge and purchase. Sometimes I find myself doing it in the wrong order though…..purchasing first and often discovering I already have what I just bought. This year in my garden and my life, I am setting the intention to clean first. Who knows what I may find?

I forgot about you awesome shorts….. and sensitive fern!
SARAH

.....as it is

Yogis,
Defined as ‘a natural tendency to behave in a certain way’, propensities develop over time and have our mind believe there is one way to act and it is the right way. We all have them. I’ve noticed one of mine.

Spring, while beautiful and so full of promise, also tests us. I returned from vacation to three glorious days of warmth and sunlight. Yes! Spring has arrived. Two days later I am bundled up with my tired winter coat, gloves and well-worn hat. Each time I open the door to a brisk wind I am annoyed. This isn’t spring.

But it is.

Warm weather returns with an Easter I touted as the perfect spring weekend. Blue skies highlight how imminent the unfurling of leaves is. With a pep in my step, I’m anxious to be outside for large chunks of time. Then…… three gloomy days filled with sporadic torrential rains. The thermometer reading low fifties, but my bones registering mid-thirties. Is it possible to not go out at all?

Annoyed. Frustrated. Wishing the days away to get to what I have decided is true spring. I realize I do this each year. Wanting spring to be something she is not. A propensity which is the root of my own suffering.

April can be cruel that way. A harsh teacher of letting things be as they are. April, however, is not the problem. Things on the outside are rarely the problem. The issues arise from our unmet expectations.

What if I change my expectations? Can I let April be what it is? Changeable, turbulent, wet and beautiful all rolled up in one messy ball. Can I go for the ride? Embrace all of her?

I woke Thursday to a crescent moon hanging in a brightening sky, framed by clouds tinged pink by the approaching sun. Stunning. Twenty minutes later fog rolls in, blanketing the world white.  Silent.  An afternoon forecast for rain and gusty winds. Blustery.  Did I mention hail?

Like life, April offers chances to let go and practice experiencing things as they are, not as we wish them to be. In the meantime, she continues to do her work preparing the earth for a bounty, unbothered by our expectations. Thank goodness.

Tonight down to 40,
SARAH

....deeper connection

 Yogis,
Returning from vacation late last Wednesday, I unpacked, got some sleep, taught two classes, went through the mail and repacked my suitcase. Thursday I headed down to watch my three grandchildren.

Last weekend my oldest son and daughter-in-law took a 5 day trip to Mexico. It was the first real adult vacation they have had post kids. Five days in the sun doing whatever they felt like doing, whenever they felt like doing it. The real deal.

It is a completely different experience to move about the world as a ‘couple’ vs a ‘family’.

I know the difference well. Working for Xerox, we went on President’s Club trips for years, followed by our own weeklong stays on islands. Each time my parents swooped in to watch the boys. First one son, then two, then three, and finally three plus a dog.

Those times away from the kids, while complicated and often stressful to plan, were necessary to my well-being.  Weeks where I could be a woman, not a mom. Carefree vs structured. Wild instead of disciplined. A reset for my soul and a deeper connection for our partnership.  My turn now to pay it forward.

Moving as a family instead of a couple again. School drop offs and homework. Finishing the dishes just as a child walks in and announces they are hungry. Baseball practices and swim lessons. Diaper changes and middle of the night tears.  Getting three children ready for an outing. Not easy.

My sons are quite close to my mom and dad and I have always credited that to those weeks when my parents shifted from couple to family. I see the same happening with my grandchildren. When they have to come to me for the hug after a fall and I get to tuck them in bed and be the first face they see as they wake. The connection deepens.

On the final morning my oldest grandson came down and said “You know what Nana? I’m really excited for mom and dad to come home, but then I am also sad you are leaving.”

Me too, I told him as I prepared to shift back to life as a couple.

Deeper,
SARAH