....a big leap!!

Yogis,

Here I am fresh out of college. A mere 21 years old. Eager with grand visions for my life ahead……..

 

I began my Xerox career only two months after graduation (I still remember that suit). New business rep was my title which meant knocking on doors. Lots of doors. My territory was a transitional neighborhood in downtown DC, with my very first sale to a small clinic which would later become a big name in support services during the Aids epidemic. Business skills and lifelong friends formed in those early years.

My intent was to stay for two years, taking advantage of the renowned training program and getting some sales experience under my belt so I could move on to what my real plan was - a stockbroker. But one thing led to another, as so often happens in life…….

My first son born only a year later. Promotion to account rep where at least the customers knew I was coming. Specialist. My run as demo queen (demonstrating technology) where no one could beat me and I eventually won the worldwide competition. Sales manager. Two more sons. And finally contracts manager which at last used the financial skills I had honed in my education.   

It is now 34 years later. Many changes at Xerox and many changes in the life of Sarah Cahill. Yoga entered 10 years ago making its mark on me and has been the ‘other secret half’ of life. A passion.  And I created a vision around it…… saw it…..watched it….nurtured it….spoke it. Seeing what I wanted.

Last month the wheels began turning as I was offered an early retirement package. It sat in my email for a while. I then hit print and it watched me from my desk.  I meditated. I hiked. I dreamed……and then I signed.  I have walked to the edge, looked out and jumped.

My vision has manifested!!! September 30 will be my last day as an active employee.

Xerox has been a true gift to both me and my family for so many years. I will always be grateful.  But it is time for a turn in my life’s path. Time for growth. Time to step out of my box.

What’s ahead? A clear canvas. Many ideas…many visions…..   We create our lives and I intend to continue to do just that. Stay tuned J

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh........

Be careful what you ask the Universe for,
SARAH

Going deeper.......

Yogis,

A couple of weeks ago  I wrote about looking beneath.  Seeing. Going deeper…..

I decided to do just that in my garden this week. To see the plants that I look at each and every day from a new perspective. I would head out to sit. Watch. Notice. Breathe. Take pictures.  And what I saw is in the on line slideshow I have posted below - Going Deeper. 

Shapes and colors I didn’t know existed. Insects so small that the first time they caught my attention was when I was deep inside a flower with my zoom lens. Beauty found not only in the new and young, but captured even in the dying. Beauty often lies beneath.

This is my first attempt at this so if somehow it doesn't start the movie properly when you arrive at the site, click on the little movie camera that pops up if you point your cursor toward the top left picture.  Sit back and see what lies beneath, within, around.   

“I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”
            ~Anais Nin

Link - Going deeper....   

Om,
SARAH

.....obstacles

Yogis,

This wasn’t the first time this happened. There is a good chance you may have experienced this yourself.  You open up the pantry closet and see it sitting quietly in the corner. You try not to notice but there is that undeniable shape of a pantry moth. 

 The dreaded Indian Meal Worm.  Darn it!!!!!

I get it out and shut the closet, convincing myself there is probably only that one that came in with something I bought.  Who the heck do I think I am kidding? This is not my first time to the rodeo.  I have been down this path a few times before over the years and know it is never quite that simple, but my mind is not ready to accept it quite yet. The next morning I see three more. Ugh. Too busy to give it much thought, until that night when I see four more. Ok, time to pull out potential culprits. 

I move things around and rifle through. The open bags of rice, crackers and flour hit the trash can.  Ok, done.  Not…….

The next morning I open the closet to get my nuts and there they are looking right at me. Three more.  The nerve!  I finally start to come to grips with what I knew deep down from that very first sighting had to happen. There is no shortcut.  EVERYTHING must be taken out and inspected.  Anything at all questionable must go. Shelves wiped thoroughly and aired out. Not a small project. 

When is it a good time to have this happen? Never. With a sigh, I drop what I am doing, draw in a large inhale and take the leap.  Oh my….the things I found.  Old bags of coconut hiding beneath the tea.  Dates from god knows when.  A half-eaten bag of pistachios that caused me to leap back when I looked inside.  Boxes with expiration dates of 2014.  All pitched. Everything left is now out on the counter and I spray down the shelves and scrub.  Off come the chocolate stains, the crumbs and some red substance that I have no idea where it came from. Once dry I carefully place what is left onto the shelves and step back. 

What I see smiles back at me!  It gleams! This pantry has desperately needed this care for probably two years now but when was that going to find its way into my day?  Next week, I would think.  As soon as I have one of those free rainy afternoons. Soon.

The moth was an obstacle thrown in my path.  Something I hoped I could ignore but it wasn’t going to allow that. In the end it was actually a gift…….as most obstacles are. 

It’s not until the toilet breaks and needs replacing that you realize how run down the bathroom looks and you finally begin to move on the update you keep talking about. Or that irritating lower back pain ramps up enough one day to finally cause you to sign up for  that yoga class you have been considering for a year now.  The argument with a friend or spouse that exposes parts of the relationship you realize haven’t been nurtured recently. Or road work closes the route you always take and you discover a great new store you didn’t know about on another street.

An obstacle. Something placed in your path which requires a shift in direction. 

Now you can keep ramming your head against it, struggle to move it out of the way or turn around and go backward……all of which I tried first with the moth.  Or you can pause and listen for its message.  Find the gift it holds inside. Discover the new path.

See obstacles as opportunities.  See obstacles as inspiration. 

-          From ‘All the Light You Cannot See’

Thank you moth,
SARAH

......I see you

Yogis,

I see you………

I didn’t always. 

When we first met all I saw was the car you drove up in and what you were wearing. The color of your hair. How tall you were and the way you introduced yourself. What you were carrying and the manner in which you stood. I heard your voice and felt how you shook my hand. The words you chose first. And from this I formed my judgment. You were ‘that’ kind of person. Placing  you neatly in one of my numerous categories of people. 

The next time we crossed paths I began to notice the way you held my gaze for a second longer than is ‘customary’ (….whoever decided what that is). How you have that habit of putting your hand to your mouth when you laugh and your clear desire to be liked as you compliment all of those around you. The way your eyes look down when you become uncomfortable and the step back you take when I come too close.

More time together and I now sense a softness under that somewhat rough exterior. Hearing your slightly unsure tone buried beneath the confident talk. The way you check your phone when the conversation takes certain turns. I see you glance at yourself in the mirror as we walk by and catch your almost inaudible sigh when the world gets quiet. 

Now after these months, I do see you. I know it can feel uncomfortable as the masks you so meticulously place on each morning when you step out from the shower are stripped away leaving your soul naked. As if I can see the curve of your hip or even that birthmark you carefully hide beneath your clothing. Wondering if I am watching your sorrow when I return your gaze or managed to catch a glimpse of the deep uncertainty you have for your future. I do see you. 

This dragonfly was visiting my garden the other day. At first I was trying to take her picture because of her beautiful blue coloring. Her clothes. But she wouldn’t stay still for long and my camera could not focus on someone so tiny.  She kept returning. Each time looking me right in the eye as if to say…..’do you see me?’  I got low and watched her mouth chew. So small and delicate. She would look away and then look back. Until my camera suddenly focused. Then I saw her. 

And off she flew. 

We judge. We categorize. But the deeper we look the more we see. The more we see the closer we become for we are all the same. You no different than I……all hiding beneath this outer shell we refer to as age, sex, race, education, political affiliation and economic status. Stand closer. Look beneath. See me.

Go deeper,
SARAH

.....cheetos

Yogis,

I returned from a week at the beach with friends (…about 50 of them) only hours ago. Car is unloaded and suitcases have been carried upstairs. Cold food out of the coolers and the pile of mail collected from the neighbor. Garden checked and laundry started. I’m home.

Now it’s back to my schedule and my diet……..

By diet I don’t mean the ones with a name or found on the cover of magazines at the checkout counter.  I’m not referring to counting calories, limiting my options or depriving myself. I simply mean getting back to the way I like to eat. Eating the fresh foods that make me feel healthy, full of energy and vibrant. I always look forward to the switch back when I return!

Whenever I am about to travel I tell myself that I am going to stay close to my regular diet while I’m gone. Allowing for some treats of course, but sticking close to my typical fare…..but it never seems to happen.  

As soon as I start on a long highway trip my mouth immediately begins to water for an egg and cheese biscuit from McDonalds. No, I tell myself. You have your nuts, banana and dried mango in the bag right next to you.  But somehow the biscuit whispers enough times in my ear that  before I know it, it is sitting in my lap. And I have only been gone for 2 hours!

It goes downhill from there. A healthy tomato and lettuce wrap for lunch, followed up by a pack of Nutter Butters – every day.  A mid afternoon bag of Cheetos. It’s noon? Ok, time for the first beer. A helping of egg noodles at dinner, followed by another. White potatoes, bread with butter, pasta.  A few Twizzlers each day and of course Caramel Creams. While the herbs for infusions I brought to drink sit lonely and untouched in the cabinet. 

Each evening as I fall asleep I tell myself that tomorrow will be a day to detox and get back on track.  The next morning I find myself raising my hand when asked ‘who wants eggs on top of cornbread with avocado and hollandaise sauce?”  Oh well. 

But I don’t regret any of it. Not while it is happening and not after. I allow myself to thoroughly enjoy every last sip and bite confident that once I walk back into my home what I crave will adjust itself right back. Trusting my body enough to allow it its ‘wild times’, knowing it will soon want to clear itself out once again. 

So I’m back. Back to fruits, nuts, greens, hummus, yogurt……..Until the next time.

Did I mention the rum soaked pineapple chunks passed around at the beach?
SARAH

....a new day

Yogis,

Thursday morning.  5:30 am. Early dawn. Sun beginning its rise. Phoebe and I reach the bottom of the street and make the turn. The tree cover over us parts to reveal a pale blue sky streaked with coral colored clouds. The sliver moon in the eastern sky.

Good morning Universe!   

No one but us. No bikers or cars. The world still asleep. Only a few robins and rabbits sharing this experience with us. The quiet first moments of a brand new day. On this day I felt its potential.

When we wake up each morning our minds often jump to what is on the agenda before our feet even hit the floor.  The to-dos, meetings, deadlines and chores all neatly written on the visual calendar of the mind, creating the appearance that our day is already set. Known. Planned.  here is a name for staying here too long…….a rut.

But it isn’t set!  In fact each morning as we rise the hundreds of moments stretching out in front of us are completely clear.  Nothing is written there. A blank slate. Each and every day is a fresh beginning and each moment contained within it holds unlimited potential.

Now you may choose at 10:00 to head to the dentist, or to eat your lunch at 12.  But who’s to say that an old dear friend may not call from out of the blue at 9 saying she is in town and would love to spend a few hours together. You may have planned to work in the evening only to have a late afternoon storm knock out the electricity and you suddenly find yourself going out to dinner.  Flat tires, letters in the mail, text messages, bumping into someone. Each moment is created fresh. When we open ourselves to this energy, wonder walks through the door.

This can be slightly uncomfortable when we are feeling the need to be in control.  In charge of our days.  Or…… totally thrilling when we open our eyes each morning and look to the sky to see how limitless it is. What will today bring! I can’t wait to find out!

Try it tomorrow. When your eyes first open see not a cramped note pad of reminders, but instead an empty space waiting to bring toward you that which you want.  Surprises, treats, new ideas. Even the obstacles which create space and opportunity for change. And as you lie down at night and look back over your day notice how many moments ended up being not at all what you had planned!

Today you are You

That is truer than true

There is no one alive

Who is Youer than You.

                ~Dr. Seuss

Tomorrow is yet another chance!
SARAH

......rainbows

Yogis,
I love rainbows. As the sun shines its first rays after a summer storm I always run outside to ‘rainbow hunt’. If you pay attention to rainbows you begin to have an inner sense of when they will form and where they will be in the sky. To me they have always had a dreamlike quality.  A visual sign that anything is possible.

I created this rainbow as I watered the garden the other day. I do this often but felt this time that I wanted to capture it. Make it real. Form something from the formless.

A rainbow carries the same colors of the chakras, our energetic centers. Our internal ability to form something from the formless.  So this week the rainbow acted as a reminder for me of the incredible power that I hold.

When we are energetically aligned with the Universe we are able to use the exact same principles that nature uses to create.  Anything that we want!  It all begins with noticing where we are and what is – earth (red).  Uncovering what it is that we want – water (orange).  Putting it into a vision and taking small steps toward it every day even through the uncomfortable – fire (yellow).  Having complete faith and trust that it will manifest as we radiate gratitude – air/heart (green).  Making a choice and speaking ‘as if’ it is already here – sound/ether (blue).  Watching for directional signs on the path – light/ether (indigo).  Finally allowing in the grace……that small piece of magic from the forces beyond that sprout seeds into 100 foot towering oaks and eggs the size of a pin head into something as complex as a human being - the space that holds it all (white).

This process works for anything! So then why aren’t we all living the life of our dreams?

The reasons are different for each of us. Most of us don’t even know we have this ability. Some don’t feel worthy, others try to do it all alone believing there is no room for grace. Some choose to  live comfortably numb lives going 90 mph so the very first step of noticing never happens. And others may not have the discipline to keep stepping toward once the unforeseen obstacles arrive.  We all have different energetic blocks and limiting beliefs which hold us back and they can shift over time.

As the rainbow watched over me I saw that my challenges right now lie in making choices and then the utter trust it takes to lie back into the arms of the Universe with no doubt that I will be carried through. Doubt, disguising itself as the ever watchful rational mind, keeping me stuck in place.  Moving forward only to second guess myself and stepping back. We never get very far when doubt is our copilot. My trust in the unseen being tested. Do I let go? Do I stay within my comfort zone? Do I trust or be careful?

I finished writing this blog and went upstairs an hour ago to brush my teeth, and what did I find lying across the center of my white sink? A beautiful rainbow created by the skylight above. My rational mind has no answer for that one. Thank goodness....

Anything is possible,
SARAH