....nana camp

Yogis,
The now annual ‘nana camp’ for my two oldest grandchildren is a wrap!

From the moment they arrived on Sunday evening until Friday afternoon’s drop off there was nonstop action. Some new activities were added in this year like seeing a children’s musical and making rice crispy treats, but many old favorites resurfaced as well. Smores made over the firepit (they really are delicious), a movie at a theater and a couple trips to the pool.

Two nights of backyard camping were one of the highlights.

My husband is always in charge of the things that make me nervous. Overseeing trampoline time at our next-door neighbors, front flips and all. And letting them ride go cart bikes down the street. Thrilling.

Like most things in life, at some point you stop and try to remember how it all came to be. What was the impetus.

I have my parents to thank for this tradition. As each of my boys got old enough, they would go (one at a time) to spend a week in NJ with their Nana and Pop Pop in the summers. My dad would take them to the amusement park to ride rollercoasters, golfing and of course, to the racetrack where he would give them money to use for betting on horses. My mom would set up a cot next to her bed for them to sleep and they would watch game show network together before drifting off for the night.

These are how relationships deepen. Lasting memories are formed.

Spending time with grandkids when the parents are there is wonderful, but it is in the dedicated times alone that connections truly form. When they have to come to you with skinned knees or hurt feelings. When it is you putting them to bed with a nightly lavender head massage and making their breakfast as they wake. Trust and an understanding of how you fit into the puzzle of their life are developed.

They will remember (as my boys can attest).

More grandchildren will be attending nana camp in the future,
SARAH

....decisions

Yogis,
My dining room table has been covered for months now. A workspace for the design process of our beach house renovation. Paint samples, pieces of tile, hardware……..

It is my real-life mood board.

Early on in the project I tried to do this digitally. Created a document where I could add pictures of lighting I liked, insert cabinet designs and place accent tiles. My Pinterest page expanded daily as I added rooms others had done which gave me the feeling that I wanted to experience in my own home. Yet I felt all over the board (no pun intended.)

Overwhelmed.

Soon enough though I came to realize that I am more tactile. I need to touch, hold and see up close in order to make decisions. To be in its presence. Hence, my table board was born.

Over these months it has shifted, grown and taken shape as deliveries of paint and countertop samples arrived. The mockup of the old pine floor that will welcome my, and a multitude of other’s footsteps over the years, sits as the foundation. Cabinet doors and brass knob options surround. Fabric swatches from the couch I ordered.

I walk past it many times a day. I often pause and look. Move things around. Check from a different angle. Add a new idea. Watch how it changes as the sun moves across the sky.

The fish wallpaper I selected for the powder room makes me smile each time.

This mood board also travels. Every time I go to the beach I pack it all up in a heavy duty bag for the road trip, and off we go! It makes me happy knowing it is in the backseat.  Alone in the beach house, aka construction site, I pull pieces out and sit with them. Immersed. Then I know what to choose.

This is the way I make decisions. The only way that feels right to me.   

For some, reading or researching works best. For others, talking it out, drawing, hearing advice or watching videos. How do you make life decisions?

Not a lot of room on the table for dining,
SARAH

....rhythm

Yogis,
I had the gift of time with my sister…..and much extended family in Cape May. Whenever she and I come together, as the time comes to part, neither of us is ready. Like two musical instruments, we find our rhythm.

Many of our conversations floated around and landed on the idea of rhythm in our lives.  When we are in it, life feels good. Easier. More fulfilling. When we aren’t, there is discord. To me, the human world seems out of tune now.

The natural world though has a rhythm. A hum. A symphony of everything working beautifully together. The animals, birds, plants, insects, moon, ocean….all with their own piece. The closer we lean in, the more our own note seamlessly blends in.

I read an article about waking with the sun. The importance of the earliest morning light touching your eyelids. Our own circadian rhythm is meant to synch with that of day and night. Morning should be light. Night should be dark.

We walked to the ocean together one evening. The sun had set and the beach was quiet. We looked up to soften our gaze and begin making out stars…the fraction that we are now able to see. We recounted dark places we have been where a night sky wraps you in its arms. The hotel behind us sat ablaze in bright lights.  

The tide rolls in. It rolls out. I breathe in. I breathe out. I open my window to hear the songs of frogs and nights bugs. My heartbeat keeps time.

I allow heat in while sweat trickles. A butterfly floats by as the hummingbird hovers. The music of summer with today’s songs lauding fuchsia zinnias and orange butterfly weed.

The vegetables join with zucchini and cucumbers holding the mike. Corn and tomatoes up next.

I taste the rhythm. I smell it in the air. I sway with the wind as thunder beats the drums.

I, like all, fall out of rhythm. Clumsy and disconnected. Anxious. The rhythm asks us to be quiet and to be out in her. Surrounded. My foot starts tapping the beat and soon I slide back in.

No separation,
SARAH

.....panther

Yogis,
Nana camp has kicked into gear again for the summer. Last week I had one granddaughter and grandson at the house. Now six and nine, they are in a different phase of childhood and it is fun to be included.

One thing my granddaughter and I like to do is pick oracle cards. Particularly from the animal spirit deck. Each has a striking picture of an animal and the message of their spirit written below. We take turns pulling from the deck and reading what it means when it comes into our life.

On her first turn she picked panther. The message of panther spirit is ‘Reclaim your power’. It goes on to say that it takes courage to face challenges and right now panther spirit is here to say you are braver than you think. Risks.

A perfect card for her!

In the last few months she has stepped into her girl power. She has let go of her floaties, swimming like a fish, jumps into the pool with glee, and learned to ride her bigger bike with gears. Big accomplishments that give the adrenaline rush mentioned in the panther card.

Later that day we went to the local pool. A water slide leads into one of the pools. Asking if she wanted to try it she shook her head no but then paused and said yes. Got right out of the pool, walked over and without hesitation slid down with a big splash. As she lifted her head from the water with a huge grin I exclaimed ‘Panther spirit was with you!’

It is as if it is in her aura at this time in her life. She also fearlessly jumped off the diving board which she has only done once in her life and climbed rocks. Where last summer ‘I’m scared’ was the typical answer to challenges presented, this year her answer is a resounding ‘Yes’.

Different energies pass through our lives. Right now I am surrounded by bluebird energy. With newly hatched babies I interact with mom and dad daily. Dad is particularly sweet and diligent in his fatherhood responsibilities. It calms me to be near.

I could use a little panther spirit,
SARAH

....remembrance

Yogis,
During morning runs on my Jersey shore family vacation I pass memorial benches lining dunes and parks. Etched with names of those who have died and accompanied by caring words, they are a form of remembrance. Honoring.

Certain words are used a lot. In loving memory…..Forever in our hearts…..Never forgotten. Lovely thoughts but if someone chooses to honor me with a bench once I no longer walk this earth, I am not sure those feel right. Then what would I want it to say? How do I want to be remembered?

I see one that says ‘She enjoyed life’s simple moments.’ Ok, that is getting closer.

I notice another that would perfectly suit my mother-in-law who passed away a couple years ago.  ‘Sea what you started. An ocean of memories.’ It was her own childhood love for Stone Harbor that drew the whole extended family to begin the annual tradition of meeting there for this week forty years ago. An ocean of memories indeed. Four generations under one roof in our house this year.

But what words suit me?

Thursday evening after taking a shower I lathered my body as I always do with olive oil and a drop of essential oil. I chose lavender. I consciously chose lavender each day last week since I was surrounded by my four grandchildren.

My granddaughter runs up for a hug. As she buries her head in my chest she asks “Nana, why do you always smell so good?”

I began choosing lavender when my first grandchild was born. A light lovely happy calming scent. Smell is our most primal sense. Bypassing the thinking mind it heads directly to our area where memories are formed. When we smell something from our childhood we are immediately back there. To all of them now, lavender brings memories of Nana, hugs and love.

Aha! My bench. How about this? Edits welcomed.

‘Feeling you and your hugs whenever I close my eyes and smell the lavender.’

What does your bench say?

Another option would have to include bare feet,
SARAH

....diary

Yogis,
My parents are in the process of emptying out their attic and basement. Items that have been sitting quietly in the dark for thirty, forty, even fifty years are being taken to the garage either to be claimed by family or friends or sold online. Any remaining will head to the dump. Something I should be doing in my own home.

One such item was my diary.

Did you ever have a diary? I remember starting, but never finishing several, yet the one my mom welcomed me with at the door this week was filled from Jan 1 through Dec 31. The year was 1974. I was 12 years old.

When my mom found it she read a few pages but decided she shouldn’t since there may be secrets. I assured her that although I didn’t know what it contained, I was confident there were no shocking revelations. I clearly remember being quite careful because the adorable little keys which were intended to be the security for my deepest dreams and desires did not seem very foolproof.

My hunch was right. More of a review of the daily life of a 12-year-old girl in 1974. Without social media and only a handful of tv channels, days were spent with friends, making up dance routines, playing with our hamsters and a lamb and wandering around the mall. Many sleep overs and experimenting with makeup. And frequent outdoor adventures.

On April 8^th I watched Hank Aaron hit his record breaking 415^th home run with over 53,000 other fans in the Atlanta stadium. Four months later we gathered to witness Nixon resign on the big wood console tv in my grandparents family room in New Jersey. In between the two we had moved states yet again.

I ended each day’s entry with ‘bye’.

Diaries stopped for many years to be replaced by journals as an adult. Journals then ceased and this blog began. That unchanging little girl in me is still careful but takes a bit more risk in sharing herself with others. And there is no key this time.

I wanted a boyfriend, my breasts to grow and more excitement in life,
SARAH

....arms in the air

Yogis,
As the weather warms and summer smells arrive, I am reminded of the feelings this season brought when I was young. With school winding down and the pool opening my jean shorts would reemerge. And my bike.

A banana seat bike with a sissy bar attached to the back so I could give friends a ride. Streamers hanging from the handlebars, a kickstand and of course a bell. I loved it.

Riding through the neighborhood, my long blond hair blowing in the wind as I headed down a hill. Then…..letting go. Arms out. Trusting that the bike would take me where I intended to go. Freedom.

As an adult it’s harder to let go.

Our body holds on to tension. The mind convinces us we have to hold tight to beliefs, opinions and worries. Emotions hold on to past hurts or angers. To let any of it go seems like we don’t care or we are giving in to someone. We have to control and drive this ship of life. Right?

Try this. Sit quietly and mentally repeat to yourself slowly ‘I let go’. Over and over. Pay attention to what happens in the body. Any changes or sensations. To increase the effect, state it on the exhales.

Words are powerful. They hold a vibration and when spoken mindfully they create a roadmap of where you want to go, and the body responds. An internal mantra.

Even more incredible is not only the internal world changes, but life responds too. When we let go of something that we have been resisting or clinging to, over time it too softens.

Use this for anything. Something you are worried about. A relationship. An argument. A judgment. A rigid belief. Anything causing you discomfort by holding on.

Bring it to mind, close your eyes, visualize breaking the connection to it and as it floats away state ‘I let go’. Over and over. Whenever it pops back up…..repeat! By changing your vibration the outer world wants to resonate with you. It will follow your map.

Choosing arms in the air with trust in life. Freeing!

Hair blowing in the wind,
SARAH