preparing the soil

Yogis,

Reminder:  Only class this week is tomorrow, Monday morning, 5:25 am.  Maybe you should come!

Tuesday evening I was sucked into the Christmas vortex.  There, 12 of us (plus two dogs) swirled together for four days.  All of us connected by joy, music, wine, games, cookies, gifts and lots of love. 

Today I am crawling out the other end.  Rubbing my eyes and blinking from the bright light, recognizing everyday life that was here patiently waiting for my return.    I mindfully wipe the crumbs from the counters and sweep the floors, clearing away what remains of the holidays and

the year we named 2014.  It is all behind me now.  And what lies ahead is clear and empty.

What life seeds should I plant?

One of my intentions over the past 3 or 4 years has been to embrace winter.  I have visualized, stated, journaled and written on the topic with the vision of living life every day, regardless of the time of year, as it should be lived.    And I can truly say that for the first time ever I am actually excited for January and February!!

For me, winter does not begin on December 21^st, but instead during the week after Christmas when I pull out the new calendars with nothing yet written on them.  January and February staring back at me wondering if my pen is going to fill up their daily squares.   But only a few words are entered with mostly blank space remaining.  This year I feel a sense of relief.  Open space.  Time for me.  Days without “doing” so I can have the room to “be”.   

As creative beings, we design and orchestrate our lives.   But the required first step is getting still and quiet enough to notice where we are and see the unlimited potential in front of us.  The infinite choices we have.   Limitless potential.  This is winter’s purpose.   It is not meant to be rushed. 

So what life seeds do I want to plant? 

I leap into thinking about what I want for 2105…….but the energy of winter is located way down near the tailbone, far from the brain.    Winter asks us to relax the mind muscles, sink our awareness inward and connect to the stillness.   Feeling.  What is it that I want.  Preparing the soil for planting.

My inner yearnings are there.  Restless.  Wanting to be heard.  I have felt them stirring but have been too distracted by the outer world to give them my attention.  This now is their season.  Thank goodness for January and February. 

Time to withdraw.  Time for dreaming……………..

Tea, puzzles, journals and comfy blankets,

SARAH

....inner housekeeping

Dear Yogis,
This week we moved up to Ajna chakra, our third eye center.    Here we turn our gaze away from the bright lights of the fast paced tantalizing outer world and direct it toward the quiet stillness of our inner world.  Seeing what is true.

Today is the winter solstice which marks the beginning of  the season to shine the flashlight inward. Peering into the corners, clearing away any cobwebs,  getting reacquainted with me and stirring things up.

This is where meditation has so much to offer.  The daily practice of taking even 5 or 10 minutes to simply sit and observe what is happening on the inside – noticing your thoughts, feeling any places of holding, becoming aware of both the sadness and the joy, and watching the breath – begins to reveal an inner landscape that connects you to what is real.    Here we see our soul.  Here we find everything we have been longing for…..

But not everything that we see in there is comfortable.  The clearer our inner vision becomes, the more we can’t ignore those shadow parts.  The things we have labeled “wrong”, “bad” or “not allowed” or buried so deep we forgot they were there.    Everything in there parading in front of us asking to be noticed and embraced.

Last week I wrote about Phoebe and the effect her energy was having on my vibration.  I told myself I would reground, get a grip and everything would be fixed.  But the Universe clearly was not buying my act.  Phoebe’s barking and lunging at other dogs and even people on our walks continues and each time my heart races, my stomach clenches and the jitters set in.  It scares me.  Why does she have to be like this?

I finally had to admit that her acts of confrontation were bringing up parts of me that I have never developed.   I hate confrontation.  I do everything in my power to avoid it.  I never want anyone to think I am upset or angry with them and if a conflict develops between me and another, I leave feeling wounded.   I was attaching her behavior in front of others  to me.  What will the neighbors think of her?  What if no one likes her?   They must believe I am a bad owner.  Some of the very thoughts I have had of others.

But the outer world was simply mirroring something needed in my inner world.  First I had Franklin with his aggression (which I know was more than I was able to handle) and now Phoebe.  If something keeps appearing...take note.  Clearly a challenge from the Universe.  A teacher.  A gift. Why?   What is it that I am supposed to learn.

I was relaying all of this to my sister because she is coming for Christmas with……her dog.   And we will all be in the same house for 4 days.  She shared a story of an incredibly laid back woman at her park where the dogs play, that happens to own the most alpha dog in the group.  When this dog demands to lead the pack or behaves in a bossy manner, the woman sits back and allows it.  He doesn’t cause any harm, he is just dominant.  She realizes that is who he is and she is ok with that. She is strong enough in herself to let him be himself.  She isn’t trying to “fix” him.

I can see that I want to fix – and quickly!    If I just do this and this and this….she will do as I want her to do.  And it wasn’t happening on my timeline.  I also see now that I was rushing her.  Not providing her the freedom to take the time she needs to heal and find her own way to peace, with my role only to hold the safe space for that to happen.    Accepting all of the parts of her.

So…..I have work to do.  On me.   As she barks I will smile at those that pass.   I will hug her after every walk no matter how it went.  I will move toward letting her be her and not hold her hostage to being a reflection of me.    My sense is that both of us will grow from this and all will be as it should be.

  Who, me?

Seeing more clearly,
SARAH

....out of tune

Yogis,

What note are you?  We each carry a unique vibration.  Our frequency.  The sound of “me”!

When we open the throat and allow our authentic voice to flow through, we also tune our frequency.  Similar to turning the knob back and forth on a radio to find that perfect spot where the signal is clear and strong, with all static cleared.  Hitting the perfect note.  And when we do we are in perfect harmony with the Universe around us.  Resonance. 

It’s like when you meet someone and instantly connect.  As if somehow you have known each other forever and conversation is effortless.  Sharing is quick and deep and you can finish each other’s sentences.  Their vibration and yours create a perfect chord. 

But we have other energies soaring through us which can cause our vibration to be off.  Anger, worry, sadness, fear and anxiety can cover over our inner tune when we don’t allow them to flow through unobstructed.  We become an instrument that is out of tune.  Muffled.  Disharmony with the world and everything feels more difficult.    

When we, or another is in this state and we meet, the exchange is more distant and superficial.  Less eye contact.   We aren’t resonating.  A duet where one has a head cold. 

So….meet Phoebe.

Yes, round two…..  Phoebe is a 2 yr old female who made her way to me just two weeks ago. 

She is beautiful and loving.   This week however,  it became clear that she is nervous when we are out walking.  Her vibration changes and she is on high alert – ears up and sensitive to every sound.  Anxious.  And without noticing I slowly allowed her vibration to feed into me so that I too was on high alert.  It began to filter into more of my day and I felt out of synch.    I had lost my grounded earthy frequency.  My note.  This doesn’t happen to me often and it is disconcerting.

This can happen to us easily.  A tough week at work, a challenging encounter, an illness.  We get pulled from center…..from middle C.   

I am realizing that my role is to vibrate “me” clearly.   That I am not nervous.  That I am relaxed, safe and in charge.  The energy of the mother.   Laying my hands on her to calm and soothe her concerns so that her “note” which is incredibly sweet, can be sung at all times and not be scrambled by the staccato rhythm of nerves. 

Keeping your authentic self in tune takes some effort.  First you must feel what that note is.  When you close your eyes and feel what it feels like to be “you”, what frequency is it?  Then you must notice when you get pulled off of it.  And when that happens, doing the things that guide you back.  For me those are slowing my breath, watching my exhales, and being out in nature. 

I am at the beach today and just took Phoebe down to watch as  thousands and thousands of snow geese lifted out of the ocean at sunset.   A thick black cloud of flapping wings passing overhead while their unique sound filled the sea air.  All of us a symphony conducted by the Universe.  All of us saying…….Here I am!

Vibrating as me,

SARAH

....making it real

Yogis,

Shoulders rolled back and drawn away from each other.  A slight tip upward with the heart.  Turning on the light there and shining it out.  Aahhhhh…………….

The last three weeks were spent on letting go…..trusting that we are supported.  Letting go of the little things (harder than it sounds) and the big things (extremely challenging).  The beliefs, angers, memories, fears and perceptions that we each carry – whether negative or even positive, can be oh so hard to release as we sometimes define ourselves by them.   I am this way because…….I don’t do that because…….  It takes a lot of courage to let go.  It takes faith.

But once we have surrendered and dropped those heavy weights, a brand new exciting space is created.  Now we move up to the throat, and it is here that we allow.  Our place of choice and freedom. 

The throat energy.  Where we begin to make things real.  Releasing what we hear in the heart, out through the mouth.  Speaking with our authentic voice.   Taking the vision of what we desire, which we have been projecting onto the clear blank space in front of us, and putting it into words – stating our intention.  Communicating with the Universe with the vibration of words. 

Let me share with you my recent experience ……

For the past several years I have been feeling that I want to do more with my writing.  That I would like to write a book.  I have hinted about  it, given it some passing thoughts and wished it would happen.   In case you are wondering…..that wasn’t taking me very far.   The Universe has been supporting my hinting and wishing quite well.  The Universe kept hinting back with comments from friends that I should write a book.

For the last two months I have consciously moved back into flowing with the Universal laws.  I defined for myself what I wanted.  I created an image of me already having written a book, sitting at a book signing.  I have been projecting that image clearly every time I “open myself to the Universe” during my yoga practices.  Over and over and over.    I wrote it in my journal.  “I am writing a book”…..  (notice there is no try or will or hope in there).

Finally I spoke the words out loud at dinner one night.  I simply stated that “I am writing a book”.    YIKES!!!!   I had now taken that inner energy of desire and transformed it into an outward energy.  The energy of sound.   An intention.  Sent out to the Universe.  A giant step forward into the unknown.

About 3 days later I was sitting out on my rocks and thinking that I would need to take a week off in the next several months to sit, journal, walk and meditate to begin to manifest this book.  I wondered if perhaps there was some sort of workshop out there that would support this need.  Hmmmm….I will need to Google that.

Well.   That night I open my email to find an out of the blue note from a friend about a writing retreat this summer.  She said she thought of me when she saw it.   A week long women’s retreat in NM centered around creating a space for working on a project.  Yoga every day, fresh organic food, a small group, hikes, all held in Taos – a city drenched in Native American spirit.   And did I mention each day begins with wild ecstatic dancing!  Not sure what made her think of me J

I literally had goose bumps.  The Universe was answering loud and clear.  I didn’t question, analyze or worry.  Within hours I had signed up and sent my deposit.  I chose.  No thinking…..doing.

It so happens that the retreat filled within 24 hours and I am the only new person to have gotten in.  The remaining women are alumni of the retreat and most have published books.  Of course immediately my mind leapt into action…. questioning, judging and attempting to scare me.   Who was I to think I could write a book.  Have I made a mistake? Am I eloquent enough?   I don’t have their talent.  Will I be accepted?  And on and on.

Back to letting go….letting go….and letting go some more.   Heart spread open and light shining out.  Deep full breaths.  Taos, here I come!

What is it that you want?  Define it, create the vision, move toward it with baby steps, see it every single day…..and then speak the intention.    Trust the Universe to handle the details. 

I am a writer, (Aaahhhhh!  Did I just say that?)
SARAH